[CuRRent MooD:] Sucked
[CuRRent Song:] Fantasy Project - Way of Life (Extended Mix)
Currently I have quite low motivation, and things are going on a low. It's not very low yet, but low enough to not make me think properly and stuff. It actually affects my mood, so I better be careful of how I handle my friends n stuff..
Sometimes really can't take it le...really wanna snap at my brother abt his life...he practically screwed so many things up - it's his life, I can't interfere but he had screwed everyone else's lives ard him and that is something I find it hard to endure. How long has it been he is out of army? Certainly like 9 years or give it a doubt, 8 years. What has he achieved?
Plenty of bloody trouble. All these trouble is enough to make the family slog for the past decade, and even as now I'm holding a job, I pretty much can't believe given nearly a decade he can't do anything to his life. He even once promised my uncle he can make it - haha, what a joke. I really think he bragged too much for his own good. He die I dun really care, but dun drag the entire family and friends down wif him.
He's not the worst in character that's what I know, but given sloth and greed adding one or two of the seven major sins (evils), it can make anyone a partaker of evil, enough to bring lotsa pple down to the abyss with him. I really wonder when he will be able to change...is it going to be never?
As for my oldest brother, I do not know if I should tink he's lucky or should I do anything other than feeling helpless abt the family. He has his own family and has every right to do what he wants to manage his own family...but my family has not been in the best of form in financial, and having my other brother did not help matters at all. I'm really stuck in a situation that I can't bring myself out, and I guess the only way is to be terribly ruthless.
I've thought about it in the morning. If he is unable to return the money this time round, I am not going to care anymore, irregardless of whatsoever personal reasons he has. I know he does have personal reasons this time round, but it is never a reason to be not fulfilling promises and esp. I'm starting out on my adult life, what I need most is certainly financial stability and mental state of health. Having such stress from his side is certainly not going to work positive wonders to my state of financial and mental health.
My stand now is...if he does not pay up, I will disconnect his M1 line, ban him from using the computer. He is not to touch anything to do with me, whatever I've already given to him/allowed him to use (clothes, shoes etc) I'll ignore it and continue letting him use, but I have to put the point across that no one's gonna be an angel for his own wretched life if he chooses to be the devil. I'm sure my parents will give me permission to ban him from using the comp, after all it has been my parents' money and mine to maintain every part of the system. It's going to be tough and harsh, maybe expecting some exchange of words and punches, but he has to be shown who's boss. Yea, I tink I better write a will before anything jus in case in some freak event God decides to deprive me of my life...jus to save his pathetic life from hell.
I tink I better ask the phone back from him first should there be any case I need to do the above. The phone is after all Sunshine's.
Frankly speaking, I dun wish for that to happen...however I do not want him to drag anything furthermore. He's getting way too much for his pathetic life - he should not have been allowed to survive for so long under such friendly conditions.
I know his fiery temper, I believe that some stuff might be faulty by the end of his temper - perhaps the comp, the phone, the TV etc...it's a risk I have to take. I have to discuss wif my parents though to get them prepared for the worst...meaning even I have to be implicated. I'm really afraid I might be injured or worse still, death or some major happening should there be conflicts...but for myself, and for the family...I don't have a choice.
Just contacted my Agent. I think I really have to start make worst-case scenario planning. Maybe you pple tink I'm thinking too much - but he's my brother, and I've lived for 24 years enough to see what he can be like in abysmal moods.
I pray such things will not happen, and that miracles do happen that will change him somehow...but...God only helps those who helps themselves. He performs miracles to those He tinks that help themselves...therefore, I doubt any miracle will descend upon my brother.
Of course, I could be wrong to say my brother's not been trying to help himself...if he has, then he has to work 1000% harder. Serious.
Feeling so stressed just thinking about such things. As I said, it's jus a low point of my life.
.LuKe.
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