Friday, December 30, 2005

I've noticed...

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired eyes. Oversensitive head. Irritated.

[CuRRent Song:] Stevens & Marcellus - Everything Counts (Extended Mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Chicken Murtabak & Green Tea

...that I look for trouble in life.

Many times, Berlinda asked me, "Do you know you are living in luck without knowing it?"

Yes I know Berlinda. What makes you think I don't know?

Many times, mom asked me, "Do you know you are lucky? Living in luck without realising?"

I do know mom, and I know what you mean.

Thing is, I may be living in unknown bliss but always chose to look for trouble. Probably known as "looking for death" in mandarin, this is way too often. I took a closer look at my life cycle and patterns and found that out.

Last time I chose to give up Shan to understand more about "life". Now I know much more, and much more trouble got to me. I sorta regretted it, but who cares about that. I chose to give up Sunshine, and I wonder if that move was ever "right". Someone reminded me once more, "You are very lucky, you should keep things as it was and not took this route."

I know, but I still chose the tougher (aka stupid) routes. I guess I really like to have trouble around me. This is so stupid.

As for the past days, well I know I've not been blogging much about my everyday life proceedings, miss that? LOL...hahaha I've been reminded I'm a naggy person, and once again I agreed. Haha. Past days...nothing much, Christmas was nothing way too special, nothing too much. These days have been settling matters here and there, and I realised I'm inviting more trouble as I'm tackling current matters. Things will straighten out, I hope.

Gonna change my blog song now. Next time :)


Monday, December 26, 2005

Weird Christmas

[CuRRent MooD:] Weird, tired, lil moody

[CuRRent Song:] DJ Tricky - The Riddle (Sven R-G vs Bass-T Remix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] "Mei Cai" + Curry Chicken + Rice

Slept from 9am - 5pm, but still feeling lethagic. Oh well. Anyway pple, Merry Christmas...

To what I understand, a lot of people around me ain't getting what people namely speaks of a "Merry Christmas". How would you be merry when you have so much to think about, to worry of, to be of true concern? I wonder. Then again, this year's Christmas ain't anything too spectacular to be spoken about.

I now speak of my singlehood, but things have not been completely over. As I mentioned a new chapter speaks of itself, and I'm getting to it. Things have not been rosy or what I even think is proper or ok. There has been so much on my mind, nothing can really be written out.

Just read Sunshine's blog, and my mind is in a whirl. That sounds, seems, felt way too familiar. Sometimes I wonder about what I always say, "What goes round comes round". I know for the evil I did things will come to me one day, and I will have to settle it my good way. Anyway, why do people think I'm having fun when I'm out so late? Does staying out late = fun? Does it mean enjoying myself? No.

She thinks that me being out wif the "China Dolls" = fun. Truth is, I'm only out wif one of them yesterday, the others just disappeared at the last moments, and budget constraints made us unable to go anywhere apart from staying at the same place chatting. She thought that in my moments of "fun" I chose to ignore her msgs and not replied. Truth is, I'm listening to life story and I did not want interruptions. Certainly if you're the one talking about your story you wouldn't want much interruptions and that was what I wanted to achieve. What can I say? Haiz. The dolphin-throwing incident I have nothing to say, since that's just a small episode. Truth is, these group of people will be the simplest if you think of it, but they certainly can fit into the "complicated" category that I have to be careful of how I'm making every single move not to thread onto wrong territory and get killed in the process. Of cos, within normal means I will not get killed, but within rage you never know what happens...

I didn't want this entry to be sort of counter-reply her blog entry, but I know it's happening (lol). I'm trying to end an issue and there was a mention of dragging "the game". Wait, what "game" are we talking about? I know that I've been bad to pop by your place and probably made some feelings stir, and I'm wrong right from that point on. I'm not in a better state of mind myself, I don't even know what is precisely happening and here it is all such things happening.

Ok I have to stop this. LOL. Time for me to activate some long-time-no-used resolute to keep myself in check. If things have to suffer, I do not want anyone else to suffer longer than myself. I sound so selfless and noble, but no - just a piece of shit.

Good shit.

Bad angel.


End of entry for now.


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

You think do this very enjoyable issit?

[CuRRent MooD:] A little pissed

[CuRRent Song:] Basic Element - This Must Be A Dream '2005 (Radio Edit)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Laksa & Green Tea

Actually by now I've cooled down and dun really wish to talk about it. After all I know what moves I should take on my list.

Sometimes people always think the negative side of everything. I agree this is normally the case but sometimes some things just have to be done in a way you really don't understand why. When you start to not know why, you start to do things to avoid casualties. This might be a short term way, but's selfish. Oh yea I forgot, everyone is selfish.

I'm a selfish guy. Girls, if you are looking for goodie-two-shoes to be a bf, do not look for me. I ain't that good after all.

Damned, when did I ever say I am. Maybe I gave the impression I am...but I'm not. I'm just human, and a guy who has needs. Just about it.

Next time then.

To the unknown person: Did I ever say I'm nice-looking? I didn't even bother to claim I'm nice on the inside. What gives. Just tell me who you are -.-

[ Update - 2232 Hours ]

Feeling just better now. :)


Sunday, December 18, 2005

Life will take a turn

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral, confused, tired

[CuRRent Song:] Rikki - Sutekidane

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Bee Hoon + Luncheon Meat + Fish Fillet + Hot Dog & Soya Bean Drink

Life will take a turn. Things will change soon.

I do not know if I took a correct step. I wonder.

No regrets, some things are just meant to be settled. Some meant to be held on. How life dictates, we won't know. We may end up at the same place after a whole big round.

Very tired. Will do another update when I can.


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Life is indeed strange

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine, neutral

[CuRRent Song:] E-Type feat. Nana - When I Close My Eyes

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Milo

These days I've been training and guiding my replacement TA for my school, hence lesser updates. Anyway my last day will be on Friday, from then on I'll be to Tuas. The thing that's interesting will probably be that I wun be responding to anything pertaining my HP till I knock off from work, since we deal with sensitive equipment at my new workplace.

Anyway, my topic did not come from that. Yesterday I went to accompany my Sunshine over at her place. A few times the topic was on my existence since she was chatting wif her guy friends and her guy friend(s) were afraid I might get jealous due to the chats as well as her chat style. I know Sunshine enough that she normally chats this way and loves to make pple laugh (and make herself ROFL in the process) so I highly doubt I will really get jealous or something, jus that I'll probably tickle her whenever I see inappropriate words and phrases.

There was a point of note - she said I won't be affected, I won't be jealous. Wait, am I? Suddenly I felt a sense of worry. Yes, you could say for my trust for her and vice versa, but I was instantly reminded of Shan. It's almost the same thing...I gave her a lot of trust cos I know how much she loves me, but in the end I disappointed her.

A call for worry. What to do?

My TA is not here yet. Strange. Took him long to come over.

I should organise a "brain meeting" to discuss about this matter.


Monday, December 12, 2005


[CuRRent MooD:] Tired, confused, blur

[CuRRent Song:] Gunther & The Sunshine Girls - Teeny Weeny String Bikini

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Milo

Stupid title for a Monday, yeah I'm back at work. From Weds on you'll probably not see me update in the mornings, and my updates might not be so much cos I'm changing my workplace to somewhere in Tuas...OUCH. Very far, so I hope the pay be good :)

Life is messed up right now, everything's on a turn. Some stuff also not convenient to be discussed, I'm like thinking oh man, this is a blog and I can't say anything I wanna say. Oh well, shit happens.

Please make me see the light soon.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Today is a Wednesday.

[CuRRent MooD:] Lil tired, confused, blank

[CuRRent Song:] Rimini Project - A Day In The Sun (Extended Version)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] None

The issue on my friend's side is temporarily over for now. I should seek a time to address current issues with my Sunshine soon.

Guess I'm really a selfish person...

It has been super busy and late nights outside, early time back home, slping till noons. Oh yeah, my higher command just called to confirm I've been selected for the project that I've went for the interview the other time. LOL.

My mom mentioned I've been lucky since young. Oh well lucky.


Still on an average low.


Monday, December 05, 2005

Sorry my Dear...

[CuRRent MooD:] Blank

[CuRRent Song:] Does not make a difference

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Does not make a difference

Dear Sunshine,

I'm sorry for everything that had happened this week. I know I've probably sort of ignored you and disappeared, but I have my reasons. I have stuff to settle on my friend's side and I will only be able to complete everything on Wednesday. I hope you will not ask too much cos when the time is right I'll mention it to you.

Dear, I'm very sorry to have not taken care of you and your health and in my selfishness forgotten about it. I know I need to beg for your forgiveness some time soon.

Yours with love,
Your Dear

I'm on a low.