Been a very long while

[CuRRent MooD:] Sick but fine

[CuRRent Song:] None in particular

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Chicken Ramen (Korean) / Teh Peng

It has been a long while, so just a small little update.

My house in amidst of renovation and we are so looking forward to it.

I have started on my new job as an IT Project Manager. It will be very challenging, but I have to step into new grounds to improve myself and prove that I can do it.

Oh well :) till next time. Haha

Norma Sheffield - Memories

[CuRRent MooD:] Weird

[CuRRent Song:] Norma Sheffield - Memories (playing in my mind)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Can't recall...

Norma Sheffield - Memories

Opening the Heaven's door with my darling 
Watching to the moonlight shine in the darkness 
Always with you I spent my best experiences of love 

But you had to go so far away for your work and 
Stay away from me so long; can you imagine? 
Living with you so deeply, miss your lovin' this time 

'Cause you know I won't forget you 
I recall your lovin' tonight 
I can feel your hand in my hand 
'Cause your love is still in my heart 

All my MEMORIES, will keep alive 
All my love for you, will last forever 
MEMORIES, in my heart 
I remember you, your love so many 

MEMORIES, will keep alive 
All my love for you, will last forever 
MEMORIES, in my heart 
I remember you, your love so many times 

Waiting for the time when you will be back home 
Standing by the window I'll see when you'll come 
Turning again a page of my book I'm looking for you 

All the time I spent with you is good to remember 
Holidays and Honey Moon in September 
I can remind the day when we were closer the night

Kylie - Finer Feelings

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] Kylie Minogue - Finer Feelings

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Pokka Green Tea

The finer feelings, the finer feelings

You can't give to me  
Anything, I couldn't get for myself  
I have needs as much as any man  
And I understand the feelings well

I can still have a true heart  
With a free mind  
A good life  
With a good time
 
But what is love  
Without the finer feelings  
It's just sex  
Without the sexual healing  
Passion dies  
Without some tender meanings  
It ain't love  
Without the finer feelings
 
I get passionate, just like you  
But I have a little self-control 
You just show your selfish attitude 
Your emotion leaves me cold
 
I can still have a true heart 
With a free mind  
A good life  
With a good time
 
But what is love  
Without the finer feelings  
It's just sex  
Without the sexual healing  
Passion dies 
Without some tender meanings 
It ain't love  
Without the finer feelings
 
The finer, the finer  
The finer feelings
 
It ain't love  
(The finer)  
(The finer)  
(The finer feelings)  
Feelings
 
But what is love  
Without the finer feelings  
It's just sex  
Without the sexual healing  
Passion dies 
Without some tender meanings  
It ain't love  
Without the finer feelings
 
But what is love  
Without the finer feelings  
It's just sex  
Without the sexual healing  
Passion dies  
Without some tender meanings  
It ain't love  
Without the finer feelings
 
But what is love  
Without the finer feelings  
It's just sex  
Without the sexual healing  
Passion dies  
Without some tender meanings  
It ain't love  
Without the finer feelings
 
But what is love  
Without the finer feelings  
It's just sex  
Without the sexual healing  
Passion dies  
Without some tender meanings  
It ain't love

Wow...2012. What will this year bring?

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine, tired

[CuRRent Song:] Maplestory music (Maplestory Adventures)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Chargrill Chicken Chop + Teh-Si Peng

2012 has finally started, and I know there is plenty ahead to handle...

1) CNY
2) V-Day
3) Moving
4) Wedding
5) Honeymoon

Many many more...hahahaha...

I guess all I wish for is a peaceful life ahead...:)

.LuKe.

TwoTwo-OneTwo-TwoZeroOneOne

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine but flu-ey

[CuRRent Song:] None, but last music I heard was some trance mix from Kenny (my Para days friend)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Yong Tau Foo Soup

Nearing end of year, may I repeat myself? Actually nothing much to say, just the usual work is busy, wedding planning busy, but we have seen our wedding pics with edits and they look SOOOO FABULOUS!!!!!!! Can't wait to show them to the world!

Only last thing I wonder at this part of the year...am I getting bonuses?

.LuKe.

It's the end of 2011...

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Popeye's Chicken / Pokka Green Tea

The months seemed to have passed by quickly, and it's the end of the year. Many things are coming up as I have to prepare the wedding dinner and traditional wedding stuff. Did I mention I will be holding it on my birthday? Yea...cool eh? It's just us being lazy and not wanting to remember too many dates :P haha...but of course we can't be that choosy when it comes to when our kids will be born...

No no no...no kids yet. LOL, not so soon at least. The coming year is the year of the Dragon, where many Chinese will target to give birth. I will skip that and plan for the year after, which is the Snake. I heard some people say it's not that nice in that year, but to me it's fun - Serene is in the year of the Rat, and as the chinese saying goes, 蛇鼠一窝...

Health has been ups and downs, and tiredness here and there. Work has been very busy, and our biggest client is throwing what has to be the biggest projects in the company. Much work needs to be done, and my Project Manager is certainly gearing us up in the thick of the action, not to mention I will most certainly be helping out Diana, who is the most experienced Techie in the company.

Lots of times I can't help but think that I am blessed in the most silent and hidden ways. I must always remind myself not to be conceited and strive upwards, and not take too much shortcuts...for I know anything is frail in life, and a moment (or many) of mistake could cost aplenty. Many said that 2012 will be a challenging year to the economy and global market (hardly surprising), and I guess I do really have to make sure I am valuable to the company and also to learn as much as I can along the way. John (Project Manager) has a wealth of experience in him and I would love to learn so much regarding project management - and that will certainly be my target in life.

Target in life? I tell myself I shall earn enough to support Serene and afford her not having a full time job. I know that sounds difficult in the high life of Singapore, but a target is important in life, and a target it shall be.

Come along now 2012, I shall wait for you.

.LuKe.

Mr and Mrs Chan

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Fish, Mao Gua, Rice / Water

Welcome to my family Mrs Chan :) we shall live together and ever :)

Love you dear :) :)

.LuKe.

12 - 13 hours later...

[CuRRent MooD:] Smiling

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Fish & Co / Cola Soda

A chapter is ending, and another beginning. Life is about such, and life moves. I shall walk this route together with my dearest Serene till the end of time.

I love you, Serene aka Mrs. Chan Chan :)

.LuKe.

Why I have not blogged for 2 months plus

[CuRRent MooD:] Not sleepy

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Mui Chai + Rice

2 months seemed like an awfully long time to have not blogged, but I believed I have had longer bouts which I didn't. What set the difference this time was not that I didn't have time, but more of the fact I didn't want to blog a low time of my life.

Fact is, I have been jobless since December last year, which is to say I have been over 3 months without a job. I have found it hard that I could survive for so long, let alone be convinced of the fact I can actually be without a job for so long. Interviews I went, waited and ended in naught come and go with so much emotions accompanied, of course including hope and despair. I found it hard to understand ppl with qualifications and without a job, but now I understand and have learned from it.

Truth is, I have tried and trying, but maybe I have not tried enough. There is no avenue left for me to give up on trying as many have pinned hopes on me getting a job, especially Serene who have been encouraging me no matter how much despair I display. I do not need a second reminder to cherish such a woman though :)

This is just an entry to let the oh-so-less people who are following this blog to know that I'm still around, just that life is at a point I can't seem to motivate myself too much to blog about it. I am awaiting for a time I can finally start to talk about my life in an upbeat manner, and till then...thanks everyone.

And of course, with work I can tag my calendar for the Wakin concert in May...

.LuKe.

Post #501, Last day of 2010.

[CuRRent MooD:] Hard to find a word for it

[CuRRent Song:] No song

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Pearl Milk Tea (damn sweet)

Well I guess I don't update my blog a lot nowadays, maybe it's laziness or maybe some other matters. I cannot mention anything about work since I'm jobless. Yeah, you heard it right - jobless.

Maybe it came as my own doing, having matters that went out of hand that caused me to lose focus, and now concentrating on reality might deem a little too late. I've been able to survive for the first month but for how long? I do really hope a satisfactory job will come soon.

As a year draws to a close, everyone talks about celebration, about resolutions and I am no exception. This year does bring quite a bit of ups and downs, and testing times. So much marriage questions, so little time, so little money, and of course the jobless part does make me wanna break down at times. I'm still around cos I have my family, my dear, my friends and of cos the Divine One up there somewhere who allows me to be surviving for a reason. Truth be told, no one knows when I'll just suddenly break down without knowing why and how, no one knows whether I'll just disappear from the face of the earth without a care of the world. No one knows, I do not know either.

Sometimes I wish I am not what I am. I wish things are better, I wish things are more normal, I wish for many things in life that I knew that it has to be worked out rather than just being spoken. Having a soft personality can be really testing, so testing till it works out to the very existence in this world. My so-called trying to be understanding personality astounds me at times, and sometimes I do not know whether there is a right or wrong, or whether there is a need to know right or wrong. I do my best to put perspective on others, trying so hard to look at better side of things, but when I don't see it when it comes, I question myself to whether I have done it right.

I realize I tend to be hardly unreasonable, I wonder who agrees with me on that. Anytime anything unreasonable comes out, it will be tamed quickly by the slightest of reasoning. By then, who know or what knows whether what is right or reasonable at all.

2010 was a year of trials, and ended with trials. I know years ahead will tend to be in that direction. Let's just hope I'll be a "better man" after all these years ahead of me.

Happy New Year, everyone.

.LuKe.

The 500th post, denoting November, a month left of 2010

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired, lil mood

[CuRRent Song:] (FM98.7) Michael Jackson - Breaking News

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Subway Roasted Chicken Sandwich / Teh Peng

I don't blog much nowadays, simply at times not easy to find an appropriate mood to do so. It just felt I have so much to do, so much to think, and just that certain amount of time. Yes, I understand I can be lazy at times, but somehow it just feels like it's the continuous nudging thoughts and things that are slowing me down.

At this time of the year, it's always so much thinking and planning and at a loss, it has become quite a routine that this year has not spared me away from it. Again, I have to look for a job as my contract is ending - just an active search into the ideal job got me acknowledging the fact I have to further my credentials. It's again the ITIL/MC certs combo that so many companies are actively looking for, it comes knocking to my door I have to do something about it. Maybe I have to hold on another year of a reasonable job that pays what I want, and I have to continue my certs to be updated and also to gear myself to my ideal appointment, IT Manager. Yeap, that is my aim (I'm not overly ambitious to go up director level or something) and I have to do what I can to achieve it...but it seems I have been rather stagnant this year trying to decide what to do, I kinda lost it. I need to orientate my direction...

Not without any costs though. That will take substantial time and money, and I'm not sure if I have both. There had been things happening for the past months that got me thinking a lot, and got me wondering what I am doing with my life, what do I really want and such. As a matter of truth, I still do not have much an answer apart the so-called target appointment.

I felt that I'm kinda lost in my direction right now, I'm not knowing what to do properly, what is right to do, what's my plans like and stuff. It just went completely bonkers without any proper order, any proper solution. No answers yet I guess.

So tired, much to do, not in optimal position to face challenges. How?

How no cow, cow see how. Mooooooo.

.LuKe.

A quote from nowhere from my mind, thanks to Mr. Chang

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Same as just now

While reading my fellow Msia blogger friend's blog, in a response to his post, this is what I wrote:

Anyway, in the search for yourself, do not lose yourself.

寻找自我，勿失自我。

.LuKe.

Silence or Weirdo?

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Fried Fish Bee Hoon / Pokka Premium Milk Tea

Recently 2 things have crossed my path that made me wonder if I speak a little too much for my own good.

The first incident happened on Saturday when I was at my older godsis (Berlinda) place fixing her PC. She mentioned something about the past, which made me react in a nonchalant way - she said that if she could change the past to do things differently, it would have been better and things won't be what it is now. I turned and responded, saying that if she could change the past, the world will be in for disaster. I guess she wasn't too happy with me using the word "disaster" so she replied that only her family will be affected for the good (in her opinion) and questioned how it would have affected others.

Reason being, anything being done at a moment, affects not only yourself but any other person around you, and any other person/thing being directly/indirectly related to it. The thing to change for her was about her sister having to give up on her diploma when she has good grades to go for it. So then, I reacted by responding that yes, if her sis had went for the diploma things would have changed but not only for her family but also the "last person" who managed to get in the course at the sister's expense of not going for the course.

Her response: "That's natural, my sister has better grades so he or she should just give way and my sister deserves it!"

Well, it's factually and logically true, but realistically it didn't happen. Just kinda amused and appalled the way she said it. My point is, if one can change the past, it does not only affect one person but many other people, incidents and factors - if everyone can choose to change their past, the world would be in chaos! I guess her emotions got the better of her and we carried on a 5 minute so-called quarrel (which to me is at most an argument) about this.

Maybe I should have just shut up.

The next one was a short conversation between SJ and I about having additional 24 hours in a day. My thought was that having an extra 24 hours ain't good at all, it just means you do more and get tired more. This didn't generate any big response as SJ mentioned she wanted another 24 hours for herself, but sometimes I do wonder whether I'm speaking too much for my own good.

As what she said, the world ain't changing for any of us.

.LuKe.

Clearing up my desk...

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Curry Chicken Rice / Pearl Milk Tea

Just now, I figure it's the last straw - my desk's too messy for its own good and I had to clear up. Even as I have felt "the change of tide" in the company, I think I need some tidying up and also to clear up unnecessary stuff on the desk.

Well, it seems that some memories of the past are hidden somewhere, and I just have to bring it home tonight and keep it somewhere, or possibly throw them away - I have not made a decision about that. One of the items happen to be New Year cards that Cellie sent me 2 years back - when I was leaving them on the partition wall I felt a bit funny, and as I was thinking of removing it, I knew why - cos her current boyfriend is actually sitting right behind me. Felt kinda weird to leave those things around so I decided to bring them down.

Which comes to the topic of the Cellie incident happened a few months back that caused quite a bit of problems between my dear and I. Of course, many onlookers might've felt it's my fault for planning such a thing, but I always think I should be given benefit of a doubt (yeah right, ppl said). I wouldn't want to elaborate much since it's a forgone thing, but the aftertaste felt familiar - it felt so much like the Brad-Cellie incident the last time where she said she is not ready for a relationship and soon after she got together with Brad. This time round, she told me on the last 2 days before the trip she is unable to make it for the weekend due to family issues and kind of canceled the entire trip (cos I was pretty tired over the whole thing and told her to cancel it if it gets too draggy). Ok fine, we canceled it without a second thought of postponing (in fact, it was postponed earlier because Alicia wasn't able to make it - in fact, this trip was to get Cellie to know Alicia) and soon after, I got to know that both Gabriel (her current bf which that point of time I didn't know of their relationship) and her went to the same area the following week.

That was a bad aftertaste, it smacked me right in the face. If she told me right in the face there were some concerns from her other half (well no one really knew of their r/s), even though it can be given a benefit of doubt that this wasn't truly the reason (but I pretty certain more or less that it is a contributing factor), then to be fair, yeah fine, I understand - no normal guy can stand the gf going on a journey up north with another guy...and of course, this reason was the exact reason why my dear and I had a quarrel over about. Anyway, it was a real smack on face I was "rejected" on one weekend and she disappeared over the next weekend to the same place...which I pondered deep - did she even appreciate the fact I tried to arrange to meet up a KL friend for her so that her KL trips up north wouldn't be that bored? Then again - this is a no-brainer concern anymore since she has her lovely boyfriend now.

The past is past, I don't even think of repeating a similar feat which is so damn stupid. Whichever reasons of anyone who thinks of whatever thoughts I had at that point of time, and whether my views were legitimate, I have already rest my case and moved on. After this post, I will strive to make this incident a REAL PAST just like how I did for the Brad-Cellie incident. It's so often after I blogged about it that I decided to move on from the issue.

Still felt stupid, I should have just gone up to meet Alicia by myself...haha. So by now I've cleared my desk, and also cleared my thoughts - on forward with my Dear! :)

.LuKe.

他们说，天无绝人之路。。。(they say, anything is possible so long you try hard enough)

[CuRRent MooD:] Resigned

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Jelly?

Well, how true can this get? Some time ago my mum was agitated and frustrated with the way my brother is not working (or the lack of it) plus the fact that when my dad wasn't around he wasn't helping out a lot with the market trips and stuff. In her exasperation, she told me to take the DS Lite with me which I lent from my dear last time to spend my time while I am on public transport (well thanks to my dear, I'm reading LoTR). Since I'm not playing it anymore, I returned it to my dear.

Guess what? Before I know it, he borrowed a PSP from his gf, stating the point the gf is getting a PSP 3000.

So they say, nothing is impossible so long you try hard enough...

How true that is. Haiz.

.LuKe.

A tribute to the King of Pop - Michael Jackson

[CuRRent MooD:] Sadded

[CuRRent Song:] Britney Spears - Womanizer (in my mind it's Mike's songs)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies

It is so sad to know that King of Pop Michael Jackson passed away with suspected cardiac arrest. Here is a tribute for him...

The news:
Telegraph
Seattle Pi

The official site:
Michael Jackson - The Official Site

The Wiki site:
Wikipedia - Michael Jackson

As I said to my friend, I hoped his last moments was a quick death and not a painful one lasting for minutes. There might have been so much about his off-the-scene things, but to me he's forever my King of Pop, forever Michael Jackson, and is forever the one and only King of Pop.

Let me go search some youtube vids and bid our last farewell to the Pop Icon, Michael Jackson.

I think some embeds are disabled by default, so...

Thriller
Beat It
Bad

Once again, Rest In Peace, Michael Jackson. You will be remembered.

.LuKe.

When you look back at Life...

[CuRRent MooD:] Amused.

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Dinner

...you find that Life has been a total joke on you. For what you thought you gained, you lost. For what you thought you could have gained, it wasn't yours in the first place.

Love all you have now, appreciate all you have now. You may never know in a flash, you may find all things to be a joke and all of what is yours, can be gone in a moment.

Anyway, Level 117, 66.98% xp with 2.4 levels to go!

.LuKe.

Sometimes I wonder how it'll be like if I took a totally different route off my work life

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] Duno

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Famous Amos Cookies (2nd pack in a wk...OMG) / Pokka Mint Green Tea

As I was going through so many articles nowadays, I can't help but wonder that now's an exciting time for developers as so many tools are available.

When I started out on my home's 2nd hand 386 DX26 (or was it 33, correct me big bro), all I knew of a computer is that it is something that somehow makes gaming consoles possible. I often looked at them like windows to gaming (please, no pun intended) as my second bro got the first nintendo back home and played Castlevania 2 like no tomorrow till he completed the game, then got on to a Japanese RPG known as DragonQuest III. It was the latter that got us so crazy we can remember many japanese terms and even most of the mazes in the game we needn't have the guidebook with us!

Anyway back to what I was saying. So when I got my bum into Nan Hua Secondary, it didn't take long before my interest kindled when I saw booklets which has game code written in the ZBasic and GWBasic (QBasic being an MS variant, is largely but not fully compatible much of the time) languages, that triggered something in me that never seemed to have gone away throughout the years.

The passion to create games. From then, I learnt code straight from the booklets (they are coding booklets, not guidebooks or manuals) and developed my small little games which reside in the small confinements of the PC, only making its existence known to my secondary school friends in the Computer Club. I recalled making a text-based RPG style of Battleship which you can issue commands of different weapons to sink other ships.

Flash pass a few years later, I got myself directly into Singapore Polytechnic in DCIS (Diploma in Computer Information Systems). I got distinctions for 2 programming modules, notably Structured Programming using Pascal (no one uses it much anymore nowadays but to me the lecturer helped me plenty to establish my base and knowledge, as well as fuelling the interest) as well as Data Structures and Algorithms using C (I was a lil surprised with this one, but it was a nice one). Unfortunately whichever is non-programming I tend to suck at them (exception being Business Studies which I got an A) and even stayed back for a full year and wasted my parents' money :(...well, I guess in life there's always a reason for everything.

I guess it would've been good if I've pursued my life on my interest, but somehow life doesn't work the way you want, maybe for special reasons. Instead of programming, I took up desktop support for my first job (and for now, possibly my career). Many poly frens of mine asked why I didn't take up a programming job, and all I can say is "programmers have no life". At a point of time in NS, I wanted to take up a Games programming degree course, but the expenses were hefty (SGD$30,000) and I can ill afford that, so I gave up.

4 years later, I'm now doing desktop support in general plus a few here and there. But the interest for games programming never died...sometimes I wonder.

If I put my heart into developing my programming skills, what would I be now?

However, there is no "ifs" in history.

.LuKe.

Didn't know I can be so tired

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine but tired

[CuRRent Song:] Duno

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Mentos / Plain water

And tired I am. Seriously, I didn't know I can be so tired. Was thinking of taking a half day, but I have to endure...there isn't much half days for me to take.

What a torrid day.

Speechless for now.

.LuKe.

I guess often the biggest hits in my life...

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] Duno

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Mixed "vege" rice / Pokka Lemon 1000

...is about losing friends. I never liked to lose friends, esp. when you tend to think that it's due to misunderstandings or something. Of course, many people will tell me if such friends are worth it if they just throw me in the lurch after something happens or just decides to end the whole thing just of a disagreement in matters.

I don't know, it seems I don't have an answer for now.

.LuKe.