Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wandering thoughts

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] Basic Element – This Must Be A Dream ‘2005 (Radio Edit)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Double Chocolate Frappe

Now taking a drink in McCafe, sipping their Double Chocolate Frappe which is currently “my drink” in this place.

They say being loved is a good thing, but do you feel that sometimes it does not bring you anywhere at all? I felt like that some point of time, and now I’m feeling it again. Seriously, I don’t think anyone can understand how I feel without knowing what has happened. Then again, I don’t wish anyone else to know what happened in any single will cause quite a log of debate I believe.

Just had a game of DDR Extreme and PPP with workwear, how’s that? I don’t know of much people who does that (there are, and I know them), and it certainly make people think that I’m mad.

I think I’m seriously mad as well.

Everyday as I walk through this grim journey of darkness, I do not know what kind of things lay in store for me. I do not know if the light I see will aid me in my route to the unknown or simply blind me, making my voyage ever perilous.

Somehow, the kind of love unto me seems too puzzling to me, even thought-provoking. How did I get such kind of attention?

I’ve doubted my ability to love anymore. I can’t trust my own intuition and instinct anymore; I’m just walking and swaying about, wandering into the vast land of mystery.

I can’t exactly tell what’s right or wrong anymore; I’m just walking the way I want, not seriously thinking about grave consequences as I might endanger the people around me.

I was selfless on a selfish note, selfish on myself and now selfish without possible recognition of anything around me. I know I’m not myself anymore, and something which I didn’t want to happen had happened to me.

Yet I’m not pulling myself back from this plunge. It seems I WANTED this fall into the abyss. I refused the rope, the harnass, a ladder – I just wanted to fall deep and die when I reach the bottom – or get crushed by immerse pressure I put myself in while falling.

For those who are out of my life, you’re lucky you needn’t have to bother about me. For those who just came in, please take care and do pull yourself back and not to save me as I fell past your window.

If you think you’re the one who caused my current situation, don’t think so much about it. As I said, I chose my route and you needn’t have to account to anything. Just take good care of yourself and not let me pull you with me into the everlasting darkness.

Then again, I’m the one causing the trouble, so as to speak. How shall punishment and retribution get to me in time, I wonder.

I know I’m just being overly-critical of myself. Don’t worry, this is just what I call as a “neutral” post – no sadness, no happiness, just thoughts.

I’m just waiting for something good or bad to happen to me so I can change my course. Till then, I’m on a Neverending Dream. =)


Monday, September 25, 2006

Thanks for the love everyone

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Milo

With quotation from Celena's blog, thanks everyone for the love you showered unto me. That previous entry was only a rant but turned out I had quite some response. I really have to count my blessings in the darkness of days I stay.

I'll resolve the issue with my bro, and well though those who know me will know what kind of outcome it will be, but oh well, what to do, one is my bro other is my fren.

Will update again when possible.


Friday, September 22, 2006

What I like, what I want...?

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral, little affected by previous entry

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Milo

Hmmm...this is quite a bo liao entry..."inspired" by a lady I saw in the MRT. She kinda reminded me what I like and what I want.

Material Wants:

1) More formal clothing
2) More clothes
3) Money (obvious, but is not exactly desperate want)
4) A good phone (in the ranks of N series (function, not fault), O2 Stealth etc.)

What I like/don't mind in a female (Don't laugh and don't discriminate):

1) Don't mind wearing skirts. In fact, like to wear skirts. I always think it brings a feminine touch out of them. Next point will re-iterate current point...
2) Legs. Whether they wear skirts or shorts, it brings out their legs. I'm not those slim-legs=swee kind of legs man, I appreciate many variations.
3) A bit "bah-bah" (having a bit of "meat" ard) is ok, just don't be oversized. In fact, many of my gfs were on a bit weight side, but I don't mind since hugging them is real good.
4) Does not look like an alien (Barney??? LOL)
5) I like cute gers much more than the chio kind. Usually cute gers are easier to communicate compared to the chio ones - the latter often have attitude problem. Some cutes gers are a bit on the weight side, and they are certainly much more humble. I like humble girls.
6) Average dress sense. Please vary your wardrobe. I know my wardrobe sucks and I don't need a second person to remind me there's another split image of myself.

Wonder why I came up with all these? I saw an average-looking woman with decent legs (to my opinion, since her legs ain't the slim kind) while in the MRT today. Hehe.

See ya ard till next update. Finally a casual update. =P


Thursday, September 21, 2006

It's very late now

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] Guang Liang - Yue Ding

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Fish / Teh Peng

Well...actually it's very late now and I should be slping but...

Just roughly go thru wat happened ytd.

I believe many of you who had known me for some time knows just how much I regards my friends, how much I protect my frens and godsisters. It seems that he had really crossed my boundary and I'm still restraining myself.

What happened was that on one saturday, my bro smsed me whether I have $20 to spare cos our fren needs it. Initially I wanted to decline, but upon seeing it's a particular fren's request, I hesitated. I asked him why she did not approach me herself and he said she did request thru him but he did not have the cash so he approached me instead. Being doubtful, I asked him to tell her to msg me the account number. She did, so I thought it was true...or so I thought.

That day after the transfer, I went down to the usual haunt and checked wif her if the money was deposited and she said yes, it did. She continued her game without saying when she will return - quite unlike her style, but probably cos she was busy I didn't really bother her with it. Budget is rather low dis month so I smsed her the next day or so asking when she will return the money. No reply...never mind, it's rather normal since she do miss sms at times. On that night, she was on MSN and asked me a funny question, about something to do with return of money, but vice versa. I was like ?????? so I asked her but she did not respond.

Ytd she msged me if my bro said that she was the one needing money and I said yeah, if I did not misintepret the SMS my bro left for me. I double-checked...yeah no, I doubt I misintepreted. It turned out that my bro owed her some money and being down on resources, she asked my bro for the money. He did not have any, so he asked from me. I transferred, thinking SHE was the one borrowing. Yes she needed the money, but it was actually my bro who caused the problems. I was like WTF. WTF!!!!! I can't believe my bro did that. She is already bloody pitiful, no family le, money also using what her decreased mum left for her, in Singapore also living under someone else's roof and without a job...den my bro still dare to borrow that much money from her???


He wanna screw half of my life upside down, I already resigned to it. He screwed my family upside down, that I have nothing to say....BUT I can't stand MY FRIENDS BEING PART OF HIS VICTIMS as well.

Sadly said, I believe her much more than my bro...since he had already disappointed those that had faith (may still be hoping) in him many many countless times.

This being said, I may still clear part of the debts for be exact, I'm giving face to my friend who was an unfortunate victim. There is no single way I think he can return the money, and my friend is prepared to give up this friendship. It sounds bad but if you're at the end of it, you will understand why.

Borrow money. Don't return. Then twist the words. I can't believe he did it right in front of me and my friend.

He owes me an explanation.


P.S. Post created at 1+am but edited the next day.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


[CuRRent MooD:] Unhappy, pissed off

[CuRRent Song:] Infernal - Keen on Disco (Extended Mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Lunch @ GSK

I am so fucking pissed off by that someone in my household. I better wish what I heard ain't true at all.


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Life changes...(Part 2)


[CuRRent Song:] DUH

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] DUH

Paste almost everything done...IE CRASHED.



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Scented paper I used last time for writing letters.

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Letters and more letters.

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The gift I tried to hide away from prying eyes. It says "I Love You".

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More gifts...

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Her dad's namecard that time.

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Some letters she wrote.

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A "poem" I wrote for her while she's down.

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A poem she wrote in response of mine (not related to the one on top).

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A small birthday gift.

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Apology snippets for her cousin who "abused" me.

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Another apology.

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A bookmark she gave to me.

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Xmas card.

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My birthday card...

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Words I held dear in my heart for a long time......

Yeah done. Haha.

Anyway life changes...I will live in the darkness of the night, hiding away from the Sunshine I once held on. Neverending dreams I will hold on to.


Friday, September 08, 2006

Life changes...(part 1)

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine, energetic (but a bit sianz)

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Milo

Initially thought half day leave...but to help out cos Daniel on bian! Still trying to negotiate.

Saw my title? My life will change from now...cos I started to dump my past.

Yesterday night I dumped my past into the trash bin...trash chute to be exact. Part 2 of this post I will share some pics with all of you. It will not be clear, you can go around guessing what those stuff are, but yea, I threw the gifts that "she" gave me. Of course, I talked to myself before I threw those gifts was more of a final message to whatever and whoever...these stuff held zero significance now that she's married happily ever after.

I remembered those days I hid those gifts for fear someone might know. I remembered my friends wide-eyed when they knew that gift came from a girl. I remembered how I was titled "Love Saint - Qing2 Shen4" in Sec school just because of her. The ending was not good, the post-mortem was worse, the finale was a killer...but all these is part of my past, and I have to let go.

I do not want to see those things anymore, at least physically.

Once I brace up to remove all these things, I will become a stronger man. Hopefully. LOL.

More updates if possible.


Monday, September 04, 2006

A weekend just passed like that...

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired, thinking

[CuRRent Song:] Ozi meets Tom Mountain - Dreams

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Rice + Black Bean Soup / Pokka Green Tea

My first trip to Dbl O is well, not the best but's ok.

I guess a lot of things in my mind lately.

I really wanna sort out my thoughts quickly so I can attend to the bigger issues in my life.

Time is not on my side.

I think...there are things to change in my life...

A pic for you pple:

That's Belle's fren and me. Nice cute ger eh? My type - opps!!! HAHAHA

Dun jealous woh, Sunshine. :P


Friday, September 01, 2006

A neverending dream, a dream of you~

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine, hyper, happy, awake (wow)

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Milo

My mood is good, but that nudging headache is still around. It does not come like in waves, but rather like a ball in the head, once I shake my head I'll notice it.

It's end of a month, beginning of another, end of a week and coming to weekend. I'm supposed to have some stuff coming on, but it seems nothing is 100%.

Sat nite is supposed to be with Isabelle for her bday, but I have not got a response from her.

Oh well, hope everything works out.

[ Update ]

Received response from Belle to meet up at certain time and place (forgot but in handphone). Hehe ok so it's confirmed.

Haiz...I am really a forgetful nervous wheck I think one day I will cause my team to die one vendor I Monday arrange Wed come but Wed I MC, den I arrange today but today I tio held up by another vendor forget to inform my team!!! COCK UP ME!!! KILL ME PLEASE. Sigh. Like dis how my team can work??? Haiz...lousy me.