Long time eh?

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] None - Aircon silent remix

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] KFC

By the time I blog this, it's about the end of CNY already...but nevertheless, happy CNY to all...hahaha

This year's CNY relative visits are not much different, just that I get to see a cousin I've not seen for 2 years (and yeah, knew how to decor herself to look pretty liao - 女大十八变) and my niece (cousin's daughter) already budding into a pretty young cutie! But then she rather shy...unlike my other cousin's daughter who is very adventurous!

My frens as visitors however, is a little disappointing in numbers but the company counts - so I have the following this year:

Celena
Brad (Cellie's bf)
Isabelle
Patricia
Benjamin (the chrysantamum-giver)
'Monica' (dunno her real english name)

Isabelle asked me an out-of-the-blue question which I didn't manage to reply immediately (cos her cab came) but I did give an answer eventually:

Q: How did you (me) feel when you saw Celena and her bf the first time?
A: Like that lor. The time lapse between the time when Celena and I not seen each other (which was around VDay 2007) and the time I saw Celena and Brad personally is really too wide to have any immediate feeling. So I think I'm really ok.

Which is pretty true for a try, I'm not lying in that aspect. The real hit was when I got to know about them being together, which was pretty fortunate I did not see them physically during that period of time.

The thing that I'm not able to accept is not that fact they are together; it's about the fact she said she wanted to concentrate on her career and not think about BGR, but ended up being with him. As a matter of fact, I was rather pissed and furious at that time it made me wonder if we ever did have feelings in the first place.

I don't know how many people would assume in the same manner as me, thinking that the reason she gave was simply an excuse to get me off the hook. Of course, till now I'm not convinced about the reason, neither am I convinced on the counterpart - which is to say, I'm still on the fence.

I never do think people will lie to me, and I don't think she did. The only reason I gave myself was "Love is something you cannot expect". This manner of reasoning still did not give a proper explanation to why they were together, which is why till now I've not fully got over the entire issue, and maybe I've mentioned somewhere in time, this may form an unfinished business sort of matter.

I would rather be told "Sorry, I think I'm not ready for us to be together" rather than given that reason which ended up in a heap of counter-reasoning.

It's interesting I only decide to mention this in this blog about a year after everything had happened. I got reminded the entire event on VDay because I thought I was able to spend VDay somehow with her but ended up not the way I wanted.

Of course, the second time is simply just a procedure - not an actual event. Nevertheless it didn't commence anyway.

On Sunday when she asked if Brad could come, I simply laughed at myself. Maybe everyone thought I'm so darn magnanimous...well maybe in a way but not others. In the end I still said yes...there's no reason to reject her, isn't it?

For some people, maybe I'm already so courageous and "facing the truth" when I said it's ok for him to come over - after all, everyone has a reason to be happy, and everyone deserves to be happy isn't it?

Throughout so many days in time, rarely have I had true happiness these days. I hope I can get it in time. Then to think, with so much things going on, I wonder how am I to get things going.

I can only wish and hope, haha.

Anyway...all of what I said are only reflections of myself. I think Cellie reads my blog time to time, perhaps it's time for her to know what I really think of the events that happened last year. I really don't think I'm any worse than any of the worst guys she bumped into, but of course many things can't be compared this way.

It's just Chemistry.

.LuKe.

Happy Lunar New Year 2007!

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired but fine

[CuRRent Song:] Madonna - Into The Groove

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Steamboat / Iced Chocolate Float

Actually I'm rather tired but I'm waiting for stuff to finish on my PC so just blogged a little...

I guess I stopped my blogging near CNY eve. Nothing much about the days before CNY, do the usual cleanup and stuff just that I have my bro to help out in the household...if only he had done that eons ago, things might be so much better now. Anyway, on the night I went up my neighbour's place and as per yearly ritual, they were playing Blackjack. This year has been good, but talking about patience and changing of luck, it really happens. For the first 20 mins I lost 10 bucks, only by that moment one of my neighbours noted that I did not let anyone "cut" (split) the shuffled cards...so I did, and guess my luck changed drastically.

At the end of the 1 hour session, I won over $20. Haha!!

Come to CNY, I managed to make myself last till 6+am before I turn in (for the CNY thingie about staying awake so your parents could gain longevity), woke up in the afternoon...to eat my Mee Goreng, and only to realise I got my night plans of a movie with Orange toasted as she planned for other stuff. Oh well, talking about planning early, it just doesn't work somehow. Anyway, by the time I reached my relative's place I did manage to get someone out...

...and she is...

*drumroll*

Virneige! It's great to have such a friend of 19 years! LOL...

We agreed to meet at 10pm at the Heeren bus stop...Berlinda called and talked about her work and tooth problem...by the time I reached my area's bus stop it's already 9:50pm...from far I saw a cab...Mercs cab...FLAG AH!!! Haha...so I ended up taking a cab to town. Managed to meet Virneige, den we walked to Cineleisure. While walking to the cinema, I saw Orange's friend Joy so I msged her...ended up she was with her!!! GRRR!!! Okay never mind, so went to check the movies....omg. All slots are so packed...no choice, we got out and walked down to Hotel Rendenvous as I planned to chill at the Coffee Club...closed. Never mind, walked downwards to Bugis...on the way see all the TCCs and stuff all closed -.- so we walk n walk...den I thought of one place we could chill.

CAN Cafe!

To think it's open, we made our entrance at ard 2315 hours and we left about 0110 hours...we spent almost 2 hours chatting, laughing and small talk, also some heart stuff...it's a nice night, maybe not that happening but nevertheless when you can find someone you can be comfortable with, who cares?

So...off I go to bed. I am so freakin' unlucky something went wrong with the thing I'm waiting for.

Anyway, I must constantly warn myself not to be overly sensitive and emotional at times. I have to say that I'm trying to keep tabs on "that particular person that she wants me to get her out of her weird and hopeless situation even though she is enjoying every minute of it", but it seems not easy. I tried, isn't it? Oh well, it's up to her to update me somehow, not only from her regular blog.

.LuKe.

It's about 24 hours away from CNY 2007...

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine, lil tired

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] 三捞河粉 / Canned herbal tea

These 2 days been helping out at home clearing up the stuff and clearing up. Seriously speaking this year is a lil less stringent to my mum's standards and it seems somehow in my mind I still have loads to do...even though I would say the most impt and obvious ones have been settled.

I've been mapling a bit, even though I haven't reached level 62..oh well who cares. I'm just taking it into my stride nowadays...

For the past weeks I seemed to be living a less-than-normal life...I've never mentioned in this blog and probably never will, I would say that even though it's not right in many pple's eyes, I've not regretted a single bit. Sure, maybe one day things will be uncovered...but maybe till then, some things will come a hard knock and simply push me by...but till then, I just wanna take every moment as my own, my best to my capability...somehow at these weirdest of times...

...I felt a sense of responsibility to protect. To protect what I feel is important to me. At least while I can still do something.

No one can tell the future, but at least I feel that I'm doing every single bit to help, to make sure I'm around and to make my existence felt. Logic just doesn't work on me this time, and I know I'm following my heart.

True, I'm still recovering from my previous hurt...but while in this hurt I really found something else in me that perhaps, I should've just tend to it and see through it...at least till a time I feel I can no longer support, or is not required to support.

I believe the person whom I wanted to protect certainly does not want my life to be tied up in any way - don't worry, it's my life and I decide on how I manage it. Decisions change over time, let's just say that this is my decision at this current moment...something I just want to do.

If only I could turn back time, if I made that decision...what would things have been?

Hahaha...there are no "if"s in history.

I dunno when is my next entry, so a Happy Lunar New Year for all of you! =)

.LuKe.