Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Late post?

[CuRRent MooD:] Normal, a bit warm -.-

[CuRRent Song:] !Attention! - Into The Inner Space

Well, this blog entry is about 2 weeks ago when I met up wif Jaz over at Orchard. She wasn't that early so I was there first...I guess I've not been into Orchard MRT for a long time ard that kind of time (4+ pm) so this is what I saw...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

And these...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

And finally...a close up one...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

When was the last time I went Orchard and noticed THESE much pple wif clipboards on their hands and asking for donations?

I was approached by the white "kawaii-listic" ger and she asked for $10 donation to aid some xxx organisation (I can't remember which, certainly something which I've never heard before)...well, I guess she's unlucky enough to be asking poor Luke for money, so I tried to kindly refuse her.

"Ehm, I guess I do not have much money here..." - I said.

"Then how much do you think you can donate?"

"Sorry, but I'm really broke..." - Me

When I arrived the scene and saw them, I was puzzled wif their age. I mean, of course, anyone could've guessed their age judging from dressing, and her height + her heels didn't really go beyond my chin at all...but I was like thinking...so young and out to ask such costly $10 donations...it does not really convince me. Just when I was puzzled about her age, one thing convinced me.

"Oh ok lor, bye bye" - she said to me meekly, smiling a little waving her hand jus a lil like 3-5cm away from her cheek - something which to me only 12 yr old gals (or younger) would do.

I guess there can only be one reason they can win donations - thru their "kawaii-ness".

Notice the first pics where I show another gal, I'm not sure if she belongs to the "donation party" but she does look as though she is holding the same thing those two young gals has. They have things in common when gaining donations - dressing. They really rise to the occasion while asking for donations...(rhymes)

At least the person who asked for a movie survey was in modest wear...hmmm. Well I guess if it's for a real cause for donation, it's ok but...

...my fren shared wif me a fact I didn't know.

I guess you noticed those pple selling those $2 donation tickets saying what and what organisation needs help, esp those poor kids and stuff? My fren sold those before, and she told me that the company in charge of these donation tickets actually do donate the money...that is, 1% of it.

I'll repeat it again - 1% = 2 cents.

YES, 2 cents I'm talking about. We donate $2 for charity and only 2 cents go to them. How about $1.98? They go for "administrative, operation and misc" costs - including labour?

Sometimes we should consider whether we are really donating to the poor or to the rich. Think it over.


Sunday, May 29, 2005

What a warm...sunday.

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired but awake? =)

[CuRRent Song:] Groove Coverage - Only Love

Actually current song is Fantasy Project's Tell Me -.- haha

Anyway...back from Batam a few hours back...nothing much really...jus look look c c makan a bit..know more abt the island..den like dat lor..spend like 270,000 rupiahs (!!!) - a lot hor?? No la...convert back SGD onli abt $50...haha...buy one Kuah Lapis cake already SGD 22...but very nice...who wants to try faster tell me..will disappear soon..confirm one!!!

Now, to say a word of sorry to Miss Tricia cos I forgot to comment about her blog entry =P (gome)...

To quote from Miss Tricia...

Does it hurt more when ur loved one hurts u or when u hurt ur loved one? Do u love becos u wan to or becos it's love tt loves helplessly? Envision the world u would have to face when the one forsakes u for the other aspects of life whereas u would nv exchange the one for anything. All that one is rendered with are memories and tears that would be wiped away using the hands that were once held tightly when the facade of love churns its masquerade. My gd friend is in agony. What she has learnt is trust. But what i have learnt is that it's really better being alone rather than experiencing emotions on both extreme ends.

I guess for people who've been looking out for love, looking for what's love...this is something we all go through. All the time. When we're in love, out of love, without love, thinking of love, being loved...all the same, her words will go through our minds in wonder.

To say the least, her first question will put a question to your 'style' of love - are you the kind who prefers to love more than the person loving you, or vice versa? Do you look for love that you give more, or you take more? My brother posed me another view - when you are in love, you do not wonder whether you will give more or take more, simply cos if you do, the relationship will crumble. To put an insight to current matters, I'm referring to the style in which you follow when you are looking for love.

The style of love will dictate the result of how the first question is being issued in the first place. If you get hurt more when someone hurts you, I guess in some aspect you expect more from the person...whereas if you get hurt by hurting someone, then probably you are more on the giving side, and in your thinking you care more of how the other party is thinking. Then again, I can refute my first point because in some instances, you end up letting the other party hurt you because you try to UNDERSTAND him/her too much.

How love works is one thing that we can't simply answer the way it is - how we feel towards love is our approach to love...so let us not think too much whether love works in what way...

On the last part, she mentioned about her being left alone than to experience emotions on extreme ends. This is something I digress. How we learn in life is thru experiences, and love is no exceptions. In life we fine-tune expectations and conditions simply by learning thru so many circumstances, and thru all these we learn better to what we want and may not want. When we prefer to be left alone, it only means we try to avoid certain matters - this is something that I can't say is "bad"...but it's never a permanent solution because we will never be able to learn anything in life if we go on avoiding everything.

I like to experience. Even though times may be hard, tough...sometimes even suicidal - however, once we get over it we have an edge over others who don't. If we don't learn in life, we miss out in life.

I hope for those who are in pursuit of learning in life, first learn not to avoid but to be ready for life's challenges. Tricia, how about you?


Tuesday, May 24, 2005

20 mins before midnight

[CuRRent MooD:] Normal

[CuRRent Song:] Pulsedriver - Slammin' (Female Vocal Radio Version)

Just now I went to Mac at 9+ cos i had nothing better to do. Was intending to catch Digital Life, the sub-paper of The Straits Times which featured computer information.

Cover girl - Wendy (xiaxue).

Ok, I'm expecting some article of her and started flipping the pages...hmmm...flipped and flipped...when I finished the paper, I realised something is wrong.

Why didn't I see anything that looked like her?

I went back to the cover page and it wrote "Page 3" so I tried flipping to page 3. Wait. Where's page 3???


I can't imagine anyone is so hardcore about her in my neighbourhood.

In any case, she's appearing everywhere and will appear in next month's Maxim from what I know. She is truly becoming a celebrity. Somehow. Good and bad, really to say the least.

I smsed starhub and my new bill is $41. WHEW! I'm saved.

7 days from my pay day. Keep it up, Luke!!!



[CuRRent MooD:] See title

[CuRRent Song:] Leslie Parish - Save Me

Hmmm. I am bored. Haha.

How??? I'm bored!!!

If only I can get my creativity to work..then will not be so bored le..

Creativity is one thing..must need commitment..haha...

I'm sure you guys have the foggiest of ideas of what I'm saying :P it's ok =) haha

Anyway...a link for you pple...


Not for the faint hearted or even Bengs/Lians/Friendster-Lovers/etc. cos they really make big comments of those young gurls in Friendster...

And Sly-lovers, do not enter. They are dorminant Sly-Haters.

If you're in for laughs, do not mind mindless comments, jus go ahead and enter. It's rather lame really.

Anyway, I'm talking about writing stories. Yea.

Back when I have something to say/rant.


Working day coming in a few hours' time

[CuRRent MooD:] Yawning

[CuRRent Song:] Trinity - Just The Way To Love (Pete Hammond 80's Style Remix)

Hehe downloading lots of stuff *opps* who's watching me...

I tink after tonight, I need to rest the downloads for a week...jus in case MDA's looking at my computer...

Nothing much for now. =) On sunday out wif Jackson to purchase his comp, den out wif my armymates (Weiteck, David, Patrick, Yongyi, QQ) and met up wif Berlinda.

Today met up wif Berlinda.

Yea jus abt it.

Gonna really start thinking about a 5 year plan. Some stuff...I guess I'll just put aside for the time being.

I hope I can seriously put aside.


Sunday, May 22, 2005

Sunday, 22nd May

[CuRRent MooD:] Okay

[CuRRent Song:] 趙英俊 - 刺激2005

This song is solid. Go over...http://ehd.idv.tw/plog/print.php?articleId=34&blogId=1

Today...hmmmx...went out wif Jaz...nothing much...cos raining so dampened part of her mood but I guess I'll have to make it better next time round? LOlx...

ehm...nothing much updates....cos nothing lor...haha onli wanna share the above song wif my limited readers...enjoy! (CHINESE SONG)


Friday, May 20, 2005

This weekend is a long weekend!

[CuRRent MooD:] A little tired

[CuRRent Song:] D-vided - The Way

For your info, if you're not someone who knows at least anything about cars, the car in my backdrop is a Mazda RX-8, a dream car of mine. Well dream car = dream then I can have car. If you noticed, there are only 2 door handles, yet it's a 4-men seater. Go figure =)

I'm out wif Jaz and her bf morrow. The first time I'm meeting her though and it's a bit -.- I have to meet her bf too, but in any case she sorta requested/asked/enquired abt it so I can't say no isn't it? I guess I have to be on crap mode morrow so I can lighten up the mood and make everything fine. The thing between both of them is kinda strange, and I shall not elaborate here.

Morrow's also an Army mates gathering, I tink it's my 'A' Drivers gathering but I haven't got any concrete information about it. Wanted to ask Dan ytd but it seems he did not reply. I tink I'll probably ask Mr(Dr) Chee tonight.

I'll consider to go anywhere tonight since I have very limited budget; furthermore Yuling did ask me to go check out their comp for limited network related problems. Should be some stupid viral or adware thingie again. Simply irritating. Oh well...what to do, I'm too helpful to be true -.- it's a lil bored stayin hme on a Friday but what to do, limited budget and transport...haiz. When will my money ever come???

Chris commented my skin's a lil hard on reading cos of my car but that's jus how it is cos I wan the car to be appreciated wat...so of cos must make the car more obvious. Anyway it's not as if the words can't be seen at all...so it's ok...haha...I guess I always create skins that have complaints a way or another - well, you can't please everyone in the world.

Ok I'll disappear for now. =) happy weekend, pple!!!


Friday morning

[CuRRent MooD:] Happy

[CuRRent Song:] Shattered Galaxy's Non-battle background music

Hehe pple, pls comment abt my 4.1. =)

Any updates will be later =) today's a good day.


Thursday, May 19, 2005

Thursday, coming to a weekend.

[CuRRent MooD:] Surprisingly energetic

[CuRRent Song:] Brothers - The Moon (Club Mix)

Yea. Again. That song. =)

Is it me, or the network is bloody slow today? I guess so.

Doing my skin for now, later gonna go up the lab to see that the lab is working fine, that'll be 20 mins later.

The 4.0 should be a simple affair, trying out little stuff here and there. 4.0 is a conclusion to something I wanted for in a background picture, but yet not the most idealistic view as well.

Was wanting to write something good, but the slow-like-sin speed of the network deterred me.

Actually I was only wanting to write about the current society and how it is now, but the stupid thing really spoilt everything. I guess the liberal society is going to take its toll on the long run. We know something's around, yet we took different measures, different approach to the same situation, or to some conventionalists and fundamentalists, problem.

BGR. Love. Sex. Money. Life. Maturity. Whatever.

The age groups being affected is getting alarmingly lowered, but yet as we gear up towards a more liberal society, with sex education being tackled in different directions, it is hard to define what is right or wrong in this case. Should we just confine ourselves to our own judgement, or leave it to the society to define what right or wrong may just be?

Lots of things now exist in a double-edged sword fashion, and a lot of things we just have to take it with a risk approach. I know what most people might just be talking about, but I can't give proper opinion till they express to me what had happened to them, and that they are comfortable discussing it wif me. I've been thru matters in and out for the past years, even though I won't claim I'm the expert, but I take my heart and mind to analyse matters, and that is something I often feel proud about at times.

Oh well I'll stop here for now. Gonna go check the labs soon. Oh yea, more computers are being in and out of the mill, I wonder when it will stop. Better hope Longhorn gives better promises to security (and yet not compromise simpler usage of computers).


Monday, May 16, 2005

This is so f**king pissed off!!!


[CuRRent Song:] Christine - Till The End Of Time

Guys, ignore the earlier link on the LSX outing. I've remove like 1/3 of the pics, there ain't a lot from the original left.

And that is what I'm pissed about.

Come on, I made effort to take pics of the chalet, and this is the kind of response I get. I'm very sure though Dom was in caps, he wasn't realli serious about so adamantly removing his pic, and I was only wanting to wait for his PM so I can decide whether to remove the pics.

Guess what, someone else screwed me and indirectly accused me in a way I can't repute it's sarcasm. I FUCKING CAN'T BELIEVE IT. "Luke, you really spoilt my reputation. Every pic of mine...taken a nice way...blablabla" damnit, you wan me remove jus tell me. Dun need say until I take pics of the chalet is like all I take it sneakingly. F it, I didn't take yur "zao geng" you shld be happy liao la!

Everyone knows I take my N7270 ard and take. Just because I'm afraid "to spoil reputation", there are some pics I chose not to post, and now you still tell me I spoiling reputation. Ok lor, very fine, you still wanna be your saint, den banish me this devil, fine, let me be devil. I don't mind disappearing from LSX again like I did last time.

Fuck. I really cannot take stress now. When I think too much my head starts to ache and spin. WTF is happening to me?

I guess anyone who read the above and not from LSX wun even understand a single thing of what I said. How am I to explain...


U guys knew I went chalet, so naturally with my "new" N7270 I took some pics. Previous chalets I do try to take pics but my 2.0mp lousy camera is bulky and kinda not doing much the job so in order to make up for pics, I am using my phone. I am a lover of pics, and those who've chatted wif me will knoe.

Naturally being a forum outing, there must be pics so I took some. I dun think I've not made myself obvious cos I walk ard everywhere wif my phone, some posing, some not. But they know. Certainly. No one will be standing on the bed looking at everyone playing games, apart from me who's taking a pic.

Providing pics for an outing is a good thing cos it provides memories for the outing. So I took. Naturally some pics and nice and some not. I tried my best to create, remove, edit, and quote them. Some are a little not to public eye cos of probable gossip, so I did not post them, stating as "private collection" - which is God please, a joke. You can take a look and nothing's wrong wif them.

Now I have one of the forumers telling me I spoil her reputation cos of the pics I took, and posted on net. Oh please, LSX did not do this only once, of course I can give benefit of doubt that she's new and does not know, and she deserves her own view. She can jus kindly tell me to remove, and not jus sarcastically give probable "arty fire" at me. I did all this for free, ripped the pics out, posted on forum, gave quotes, and this is what I get. I dun even remember getting screwed from the previous post of pics I had.

Jus hers is enough. Still got someone say "You should remove the pics" - OMG, how am I to knoe what to remove??? Nvm, based on whatever shit theory I jus removed. So that leaves only 2/3 pics I guess. I dun blame that someone say that, cos he was jus being considerate. I hope there will be a kind soul defending for me...cos if no one does, it's really doing injustice to me.

Bloody pissed, very disappointed - and having a bloody headache and giddiness.


A new week starts

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired. A lil slpy.

[CuRRent Song:] Fantasy Project - Move It Up

LifeStyleX Gathering Chalet May 2005 just ended. You may go take a look at some pics at http://www.lifestylex.com/showthread.php?t=8743

Stomach not feeling well, trying to make myself comfortable for now.

Ytd nite chat wif Jaz chat till 4am, OMG...dunno how long didn't cook telephone porridge le...still got pple out dere can crap so much wif me..den also dunno why i can tok so much cock also...

The chalet was ok la..jus to recap on the regulars...and see a few newbies...den drink n play MJ...lost abt $7 plus...always play money no luck one...I shld realli tell myself not to play money le...so siong...hahah....den got to know more liquor stuff...some concoctions...although dun tink i have chance to try it again la...but at least good to know...and tried chivas w/o mixing...omg...high sia...good thing onli drink a bit cos I on medication and also cos I was on way home...but terribly down by rain...good thing didn't fall sick...

Already 2 days MC taken le..dun wanna have more sick leave under my name...I dun like it...

My life already a bit tiring le...so hope everything will turn out better...


Friday, May 13, 2005

Friday the 13th - Headache

[CuRRent MooD:] Not well

[CuRRent Song:] Christine - Till The End of Time

I'm still feeling sick. It's a Friday, and I'm having chalet outing! Doc says I'm down wif premature flu (meaning it can be blown out anytime) and asks me to be careful -.- oh man what a time to have it...

Quite undecided if I should go. Maybe I'll jus observe myself b4 I decide.

Splitting headache on Wed nite, Thur noon went to c doc wif Sunshine, den now I still have the giddy feeling. Darn what's wrong wif me???

I've been resting and resting...Wed nite slpt at 2230 - 0838, ytd I had a noon nap frm ard 1300 - 1815...and I was unable to slp at nite -.- then jus now woke up at 0810...now still feeling not good. Mrs Tan asked me to go see the doc if I'm still not feeling well. I guess maybe I should still go claim a day MC...but it's so bo hua, 2 days for 1 rest day (cos both half days)...but maybe I really need the rest...but judging by this stuff...my mum wun allow me to go chalet...I mean, if I can take MC to rest at home, den why should there be a reason for me to go chalet? Stupid rite??

I believe this illness is not onli physical - might be mental too. I've been thinking way too much these days the physical side is getting a bit overstressed - and it's not surprising given the amount of stupid stuff that is happening these days. I really can't believe I can treat pple well and they are just giving me much more hell to matters. F***ed up...

Maybe I should really go take MC. No point staying in school feeling half sick and not doing anything at all. To think I'm always so proud of myself not falling sick so easily...actually I'm not 100% sick now...but feeling sick...damnit. Sigh. So much for myself coming back school to do unfinished stuff - guess it's going to remain unfinished. -.- idiotic.

Hope everything goes ok...-.-


Wednesday, May 11, 2005


[CuRRent MooD:] Neutralised

[CuRRent Song:] No song

Decided to do something to my previous post. I guess some stuff should just remain as what it is for now.


Midweek, near Midmonth of May

[CuRRent MooD:] Sucked

[CuRRent Song:] Fantasy Project - Way of Life (Extended Mix)

Currently I have quite low motivation, and things are going on a low. It's not very low yet, but low enough to not make me think properly and stuff. It actually affects my mood, so I better be careful of how I handle my friends n stuff..

Sometimes really can't take it le...really wanna snap at my brother abt his life...he practically screwed so many things up - it's his life, I can't interfere but he had screwed everyone else's lives ard him and that is something I find it hard to endure. How long has it been he is out of army? Certainly like 9 years or give it a doubt, 8 years. What has he achieved?

Plenty of bloody trouble. All these trouble is enough to make the family slog for the past decade, and even as now I'm holding a job, I pretty much can't believe given nearly a decade he can't do anything to his life. He even once promised my uncle he can make it - haha, what a joke. I really think he bragged too much for his own good. He die I dun really care, but dun drag the entire family and friends down wif him.

He's not the worst in character that's what I know, but given sloth and greed adding one or two of the seven major sins (evils), it can make anyone a partaker of evil, enough to bring lotsa pple down to the abyss with him. I really wonder when he will be able to change...is it going to be never?

As for my oldest brother, I do not know if I should tink he's lucky or should I do anything other than feeling helpless abt the family. He has his own family and has every right to do what he wants to manage his own family...but my family has not been in the best of form in financial, and having my other brother did not help matters at all. I'm really stuck in a situation that I can't bring myself out, and I guess the only way is to be terribly ruthless.

I've thought about it in the morning. If he is unable to return the money this time round, I am not going to care anymore, irregardless of whatsoever personal reasons he has. I know he does have personal reasons this time round, but it is never a reason to be not fulfilling promises and esp. I'm starting out on my adult life, what I need most is certainly financial stability and mental state of health. Having such stress from his side is certainly not going to work positive wonders to my state of financial and mental health.

My stand now is...if he does not pay up, I will disconnect his M1 line, ban him from using the computer. He is not to touch anything to do with me, whatever I've already given to him/allowed him to use (clothes, shoes etc) I'll ignore it and continue letting him use, but I have to put the point across that no one's gonna be an angel for his own wretched life if he chooses to be the devil. I'm sure my parents will give me permission to ban him from using the comp, after all it has been my parents' money and mine to maintain every part of the system. It's going to be tough and harsh, maybe expecting some exchange of words and punches, but he has to be shown who's boss. Yea, I tink I better write a will before anything jus in case in some freak event God decides to deprive me of my life...jus to save his pathetic life from hell.

I tink I better ask the phone back from him first should there be any case I need to do the above. The phone is after all Sunshine's.

Frankly speaking, I dun wish for that to happen...however I do not want him to drag anything furthermore. He's getting way too much for his pathetic life - he should not have been allowed to survive for so long under such friendly conditions.

I know his fiery temper, I believe that some stuff might be faulty by the end of his temper - perhaps the comp, the phone, the TV etc...it's a risk I have to take. I have to discuss wif my parents though to get them prepared for the worst...meaning even I have to be implicated. I'm really afraid I might be injured or worse still, death or some major happening should there be conflicts...but for myself, and for the family...I don't have a choice.

Just contacted my Agent. I think I really have to start make worst-case scenario planning. Maybe you pple tink I'm thinking too much - but he's my brother, and I've lived for 24 years enough to see what he can be like in abysmal moods.

I pray such things will not happen, and that miracles do happen that will change him somehow...but...God only helps those who helps themselves. He performs miracles to those He tinks that help themselves...therefore, I doubt any miracle will descend upon my brother.

Of course, I could be wrong to say my brother's not been trying to help himself...if he has, then he has to work 1000% harder. Serious.

Feeling so stressed just thinking about such things. As I said, it's jus a low point of my life.


What should I be?

[CuRRent MooD:] Feeling a little sick

[CuRRent Song:] Angel City - Love Me Right

Suddenly I felt that I'm too pesky. Seems to pester pple at times, make pple irritated or even surprised or shocked maybe. I guess I should not be overfriendly.

Having a headache now.

I don't know what to do with my life now. I'm having a less-than-comfy life cos of financial stuff, having pple not returning me money, being pressured now and then. I do hope finance clears up soon.

Love life sucks way too much. Well some things are worse than not having it.

Siblingship has been hard to pursue. Tiring.

Friends? Hmmm.

Work. Work. Work. Sigh.


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Past Monday blues, but still blue

[CuRRent MooD:] Blue

[CuRRent Song:] Fantasy Project - Take Me Away (Extended Mix)

As I took a step backwards and take a look at my life, I really wonder what I am doing. I felt I've screwed up my life much more in this 4 years compared to the other 20 years before.

There are matters which I know what I am doing, sometimes I realise it's not being very right, and fortunate that I always got away with it. My kindness and goodness did help, but that does not give an excuse to be what I am now, constantly doing stuff that is questionable in nature but yet acceptable by some people ard me jus because they felt comfortable wif me.

That brings us to another theory - we often fall prey to our own standards simply because we are comfortable wif the other party. Maybe lots of people wun understand what I am trying to say, but think hard a little and it's logical. Think of those situations you are willing to forgive people for the wrong things they did, when in normal circumstance if it happens to some other person you'll probably be cursing and swearing abt it. Think about those moments you are able to accept a good friend's second hand smoke, when you will silently curse the person next to you who is smoking and passing the smoke to you.

There are many situations which are similar, even worse, but we fall prey to all these standards because of our own human nature and acceptance. This can be good or bad, depending on all the different situations and whether it really is damaging to your own inference.

Life's a lot about being accepting and accomodating. The give and take situations.

Sometimes such acceptance brings harm to the other party...but when we are so in the comfort zone, just how much are we able to think for the other party? And such harm might be dictated by social standards, so how do we define what's the right action?

There's no right or wrong in many cases, just the comfort and the appropriateness.


Monday, May 09, 2005

What a Mother's Day...

[CuRRent MooD:] Pissed, disappointed, not in the least happy

[CuRRent Song:] Virginelle - Crazy For You

I dunno what to say now. I slpt till 6 in the evening today not because I'm tired, but I thought of so much things that I preferred not to get up and continue resting.

When you are good, pple actually climb over you. I got scolded by my dad cos of insufficient funds planned for Mother's Day (although it's a misunderstanding he scolded me). Why I said that...

I have pple owe me money...

1 claimed can return me x amt of money...end of it returned less than half of x, den when I said I need the money, go ask me how much I need...already agreed x den say can pass some to me onli...ok nvm...but den even give me attitude...I pissed off lor...I help so much, concerned also...den x amt also not I say one, den give me attitude? How much measures have I gone to get money to lend that person? Haiz.

Another leh, say can return me some money. Till now the money haven't come, God knows when. Then he lagi worse, borrowed my fren's phone den disappear, come back become another one. U know hor, when I explained to my fren...she was so bloody pissed off...I felt so bad lor I made her phone like dat...dat's y, gd pple lend me stuff also tio implicated.

The HandPhone money also not back yet...left $105 also so hard to come back...irritating lor...

As what my dad said...we lend money the person wanna borrow say so nice nice or pitiful, we wan to ask back money we asked the person till as though is we owe them one...den whether get money back also is another issue...but for my case lagi worse...I wan say the person, they say I lecturing them, or say until so sympathatic...note I referring to few pple at a time, not targetting particular person...and those who happen to read it and owe me money...no offense, but it's the truth. Only those who really knows me, knows how hard up I am...but I still do my best to help out. I wanna ask back money is when I'm really hard up, and you see what happened today? I can't even treat my mom a proper meal! I still got bills and stuff to settle, den still pple dun wanna return me money. How I settle my life?

That's why cannot be good to people...else either take you for granted, or esp money things...very hard to return. I still owe pple money, and amt is cos someone owe me money and not returned! BUt still I so easy kana taken for granted or bullied or persuaded...haiz...I dun wanna be like dis...

Looks like I can never be rich...cos that's the way I am...

Anyway...thanks for those who cared for me and wanted to help...I dun wan drag more pple into my matters wif other pple...so while I still can, I wun accept your help one...thanks...


Friday, May 06, 2005

A week passes like the wind

[CuRRent MooD:] A bit tired, a bit in thought

[CuRRent Song:] Alizee - L'Alize

Once again, today is another Friday and schedule would've stated I'm out wif Hikki n co, but nope not today I tink cos Desmond is unable to be out and thus tentatively the trip is suspended/cancelled. I do not know if they still meeting, so be it. Jus now I went to Hik's thread and read abt Sharon and Andy...it's a very short part, but it realli made me think what Sharon is doing. Well no details are to be divulged on my side though.

The occasional trance does me good, so far not really regretted buying Ultra Ultimate Trance.

I guess I have to handle the printers later, moving the new one to the staff room and that old one to the Learning Centre and setting both of them up. Oh yea, where to move the old one from Learning Centre to? I guess I'll jus leave it on the floor for now. Haha. I'll see if I can plan 4.0 - I've not decided on a backdrop like what I did for 1.0 and 2.0, or jus try another plain idea that I conjured up on brainstorm the past 2 days. You guys must've wondered what in the world I have so much time for - well I guess I do have the time. Throw me a NB and I'll start programming - trust me on that.

Suddenly I had a short idea on my 4.0. Stay tuned.

It's exam day for my school, so far it's pretty quiet but it will be noisy once the exams are over I guess as per usual. I tink unless anyone asks me out, else at nite I'll probably be at home playing SG or out by myself. I might choose the former to save costs somehow. Any takers today?

Morrow I should be helping Berlinda wif her comp again. Hmmm gonna travel all the way to Bedok again -.-


Thursday, May 05, 2005

A coming weekend, second post of the day

[CuRRent MooD:] In thought

[CuRRent Song:] Transformer - Tranceorient Rush

Actually I can dun need to write anything for today since in normal circumstance no one would have the patience to read beyond my first post - for two reasons.

1) My posts are usually (and unusually) long
2) My blogskin does not help matters in reading
3) No one is bothered about my life enough to read beyond single posts (apart from myself)

While planning for 4.0, I'll try to make sure things are pleasing to the eyes once more.

I gonna try new technologies (sounds big) and ideas for 4.0, so jus relax and wait...haha...

Why have I decided to blog again for today? Jus now I visited one random blogger that I got to know (and she had not added me to Friendster yet - so sad :< ) and briefly went thru her past archives (you guys must be thinking I'm mad) and jus read abt her life.

If you have seen my current nick in MSN, it is this: "I'm Con Vin Ced Li Fe Su Ck s" which is a broken up version of "I'm convinced life sucks" becos there are simply so much things I can't believe it's happening. I've once concluded the world isn't fair but balanced - which of cos holds very true if you think hard enough. For all the love one may have for another, one could not get reciprocal in the end. There are just so many of such pple, so why can't they be together - the devoted wif the dedicated and both loving people? That's of one main thing in life - life's not fair, only balanced. In normal circumstance should it happen, it will cause an imbalance, thus the need to balance by making an equal - having two persons who does not know how to love properly to be together.

Get my point pple? I tink I should stop loving - and make the world slightly balanced by making one who have not learnt how to love, to love better.

Resolution? Decision? Time will tell. I'm very disappointed wif love right now, I mean love to a couple level. You pple know I'm single, and I still am. Go figure.

Oh yea, to that "random blogger", I'm sure your life will be better. Remember to look things on the bright side. You're a bright and bubbly lady, I'm sure things will work out fine for you if and when you want it. "Nothing is impossible so long you try hard enough" - a quote from my friend...


It's coming to the end of the week

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired (as usual), Bored, Ponder

[CuRRent Song:] Fantasy Project - Dam Dadi Doo (Extended Version)

Today is Thursday, and abt to make sure stuff of the week is done, for example moving of printers and some minor stuff. I tink I might consider moving one of the condemned printers to my room so for easier access :P I dun need keep going downstairs jus to print something for my RE if needed...cos normally he will also go to my 'workroom' directly...

They say gals have "the time of the month" and so do I, I have a tendency to give myself a mood swing at least once a mth. No, not those that normal people will notice, but those whom I care and cared for me will notice. I do not bother to show my true moody self to pple who I do not know well, since I do not usually want to get sympathy votes for any reason - it jus does not make proper sense after all. That being said, those who cares abt me and knows abt my problems will probably get a hell lot of stupid mood from me, and I'm sorry abt such things cos it often happens due to the emotional and periodical judgemental issues of the inner self.

I guess it is due to self-evaluation every now and then that causes all these unnecessary moods. I guess I might have to be less judgemental on myself, and also learn how to relax more on life since life's not really long, and before we know it we might be on our deathbeds without knowing much of what had happened.

Hence my nature of help I guess. I believe life's short for those who truly appreciates it, thus I would do my best to help out in any way I can. This often results in Reality VS Personal wars, and it had happened so many times in my life I really find it hard to believe.

I've been playing SG for these few days, and that's a good way to relax. I think I'll give my mom $30 more to cover the electrical bills this month. I dun think I'll pass it directly to my dad though since my mom is the backup line for the financial sector of the family. Actually I wun noe if $30 is enough cos in the previous week (the long weekend) I've spent two consecutive 'nights' tonning (staying the night till the morning) playing SG! I've got the reaps of rewards, now training the units that I wanted so badly (although I haven't got everything yet). I might consider to pay for the game, that is once I know the payer benefits, I may decide on it. I do not mind paying 10 dollars monthly for an interest I like, and $10 is jus like skipping 2 McDonalds' meals.

Morrow's Friday, and Desmond has tentatively asked me out (again). It's like 3 wks in a row seeing them. Hey pls be reminded I'm single - so pls be gentle on me. Hahaha.


P/S Ouch. I've checked local rates for SG is $18. Wow. They sure earn from it. :P Even u convert to USD also wun cost $18...hahaa...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Today is monday...no, it's tuesday -.-

[CuRRent MooD:] Energized (for today)

[CuRRent Song:] Mysterio - Fading Like A Flower

Assumptions gone wrong - today's a Tuesday.

Sharon's got me thinking - what's real and what's not? Who and what to believe? Strangeness.

Anyway I had updated pics at my Friendster and Friendster Album, but probably you guys wun see any pics of mine for now cos I jus got a lousy haircut...and guess what, when I came to school today, my HODIT said "nice haircut!" - I almost wanted to puke when she added "I wanted to tell ya yur hair's getting long." - so I understood her meaning of nice.

My newest CDs are Ultra Ultimate Dance (7 CDs in total) and as what I said, it's worth the price if one of seven is nice =) after all it's 7 for the price of 1! LOLx...weird theory? But certainly works fine wif an optimistic mindset =)

I should tell myself to focus on life's realism rather than the dream aspects. Thinking too much will kill me eventually, and I must prevent myself from doing so. Maybe I start to understand why some pple worship money - it's realism.

Everything ard us can seem real, or it can be a dream. The world we live in might just be nothing but an illusion in a nutshell. Our world is only limited to what our senses can give us for now. We know of other worlds through our senses, but that is provided if other worlds are willing to be exposed to us...if not so, we will still be oblivious to our surroundings.

Thinking hard for a 4.0. =)


Monday, May 02, 2005

Monday - make up p.holiday

[CuRRent MooD:] Sianz...although playing game later -.-

[CuRRent Song:] Deep Spirit - Lonely

Nothing much, here to tok a bit.

Friday went out wif Sharon n co, den got to know 2 new frens from Hikki's side, Thomas and Angeline. When we reached Cineleisure Rocky Master, Sharon and Andy has already left, leaving the rest of us. By the time it was 15 mins before midnight (est.), Hikki and Desmond left too, leaving the 3 of us. Being the usual 'social' creature, I chatted wif them till 2am++ before I went home.

Saturday evening went out wif Sunshine to Esplanade rooftop and appreciate live band. =) nice evening.

Sunday...went to meet Benjamin to return him money owed. Then went up arcade, got an interesting situation - met 3 grps of frens frm my 'wide' circle...first was Sharon n co, then Shujun from my CSSC days, then Sylvia. The interesting part is, I met all of them within 5 mins! LOLx. Nothing much, it's really much like myself being myself. Heard some stuff from Sharon, den chatted a short while wif SJ, den saw Sylvia wif her bf and of cos Patrick and Limin. I can say that Sylvia looks nice wif a smile so let it stay there gurl!

Of cos, of all the meetings came some non-important and irritating self-reflection, but that is all-so-nature to me, so I'll recover in time wif no doubt, and not be bothered too much of it. What's meant to be, will be.

Enjoy the last day of rest! ;)