Why am I blogging?

[CuRRent MooD:] Screwed. Thinking too much...

[CuRRent Song:] DJ RAD - If Tomorrow Never Comes

I'm eating supper right now.

*munch munch munch*

Fish and egg.

*munch munch munch*

Rice.

*munch munch munch*

I ended the post on Friday morning...nothing too much I suppose for the past days. There are things going on my life, just that they are either mundane or screwed up I'm not bothered to say too much.

Friday morning, woke up pei mother go market. Come back slp. Den disturbed by siew fong and vanessa (my neighbours) ask me go downstairs find them. Spent lazy afternoon wif them toking super lotsa cock wif siew fong. Can't stand being home on a holiday evening (or eve for the matter as well), went out to town. Transfer some money to Eleen's bf cos he needs it.

Now, *inspiration*...someone told me I'm too good to be true. Or should I rephrase, too good for my own good. Try again Luke. I'm saying "I am TOO STUPID to be THIS GOOD." I know Eleen for like ehm, days? Weeks? I haven't seen her before. This is not the first time I help without conditions. I guess I'm an easy target for fraud probably. I would've just considering helping if she is not for what she is, but wat happened the previous day for her love, I guess my heart reaches out to her to help out a bit.

Let me clarify - I am helping her for her love for him, and not for HIM. I have certain standards for guys being a good bf, and certainly her BF is lacking those. I don't like to help sucky guys, BUT I guess I'm too stupid to be good.

Look, I've helped Sharon without conditions too. Guess what? I have personal debts myself. Ain't I really SILLY???

Mom had taught me from young to be good and helpful. I guess she taught WAY too well.

Furthermore for Eleen's case I went out of way cos I have $0 with me, I went ard to somehow manage to squeeze that few dollars (few is certainly not just a few)...just what the hell am I doing wif my life? I help pple this much, I went out of way, do they even appreciate or feel it? Even if they do, what can they do to repay me?

To say "oh, I'm not expecting anything" is the words of a hypocrite, or maybe put it not so aggressively, they are words of someone who is trying to deceive him/herself. For me, should I say "what can I expect"? Don't you think so? Both of them are not anyone to me, just frens. I might even think Eleen is just a passing phase of my life, and I made her life a lil easier by being a friendly angel. For Sharon, I do not know what she will do. She said this last year "I will not forget your birthday" - yea, she forgot. Or she forgot to say those nice words to me.

Look at this. I know I might sound BHB to say I help a lot of people, but those whom I've helped - touch their hearts, they know I did it with my efforts apparent. What am I to get in return? What can I expect?

Can I say "nothing"?

Those whom I've tried to touch their hearts and lives - they just put me as a part of their life maybe, but just that part. It's a part that places me conveniently in a portion that they will think of me only when I'm needed. I may say it this pathetically, but it IS like this. Come on, touch their hearts.

I dare to say it, cos that is how I feel. Tell me I'm wrong.

"You're wrong, Luke."

-.-

Of course, I am wrong in some ways cos I'm sure Berlinda appreciates me by calling every other day and blasting the phone with her rants and complaints, but that's just a way of appreciation?

I wish they will prove me wrong. Please prove me wrong...

"Life holds not much meaning if Love does not exist..."

Back to blogging. Den went down PS (Sunshine says it's my fave spot) lor...nothing much...den went to find Desy cos she needed help.

Saturday. Lousy screwed planned day. Forget abt it. -.- oh yea, most successful was the fact I got to meet 2 gers interested in Para! ;) I've already told Chrislint (bumped onto her in Orchard jus now) and she's the first person in Para scene to know (exclude my bro)...

Nowadays my puzzle fighter dunno why need 2 credits for me to win...really quite suay...

I tink it's a lack of concentration. Oh well. May everything work out eventually, somehow.

NItex =)

.LuKe.