Life now is really strange

[CuRRent MooD:] Weird. Strange. Pissed. Irritated.

[CuRRent Song:] DJ Rico - Trance Euphoria Non-Stop Mix

I have to say, pple really take my care and concern for granted.

I have pple like only think of their own convenience, and dun tink much of others. Yes, maybe I'm being overly one-sided over the matter, but things really get me irritated.

Like today, Meihui asked me to bring something to her cos she need it. I took effort and time, had someone to lend me 10 bucks to top up Ezlink so I can go out to pass to her, and when I went out and msged her, she tell me "oh den nvr mind, i go grab frm my bf."

WTF!!!

She carried on saying her fren's husband fetch her go clementi faster. Did she even think abt me? I msged her den she say dis u knoe, what if I didn't msg her??? When will I knoe? WTF!

I can't believe it.

All these pple whom I placed my care concern and love...all slowly start drifting away, or take turns to make a fool out of me. I have sisters, but like no pt one. I bothered abt them, they don't. Am I the one making the single-sided effort? I wonder.

Desy asked if I was angry on the day she dragged my poor day's programmes. OF COURSE I AM. I allocated the day's timings for her, but turned out she last min got something and almost screwed my entire day's efforts for her. Although I did pass the thing to her, but it left me an aftertaste which really made my day bad.

And my feelings to think.

Am I devoting on the wrong people???

Am I caring for the wrong people? For those who does not know the way to express appreciation? That day I talked abt "expectation", and my expectation is "appreciation". Expression of appreciation.

I felt I really screwed my entire life up.

All I've cared for, I can't feel or see anything now. They only remember me when they need me. Serious. I guess I'm useful as a person and not as someone other as a fren or a close one.

My usefulness? I'm always willing to help much of the time and goes out to see what I can do. Is that something bad??? I can't believe that I did so much and this is what I get.

Am I still receiving retribution, something which I've duly regretted and prepared to repent, only to give me more senseless trials and situations to make me give up on care, concern and love? What is this???

I dare to say that I remember people when I look at things, when things happen. Then I'll try to get them out to have a chat. I remember my sisters cos they are my close ones, and I try to get them out somehow. Life made it so they either do not have the reciprocal feelings or that they are superbly busy they can't spare a single moment for me.

Life decides to remove close ones that I gathered personally. Kai-en, he betrayed me. Shan, I gave her up. Sisters, they seem to forget abt me. Some others, some reason or another.

I know in some instances, I had a choice. My choice is to find someone whom I can care more. I guess this choice of mine really can kill me someday.

CAN ALL OF THEM HEAR ME??? HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME???

I can't believe it. I may have a big circle of friends, but I'm lonely. I lack of those close ones I gathered. Of course, good thing I still have my mom and my family I guess, else I really have nothing left.

Nothing now is real. Everything seems so abstract.

.LuKe.