[CuRRent MooD:] Same as earlier part of the day
[CuRRent Song:] Klubbingman - Magic Summer Night (Cascada VS Plazmatek Remix)
[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Pokka Green Tea (daily dosage)
I realised I am really rather tired. I may be just telling myself "this must change, that must change" but somehow...I'm not changing. I fear of not being myself once I change. May I ask what is "good" and what is "bad", discerning religion?
Selfishness sounds like a bad thing...but if you are doing it for a reason, if you are selfish for a special someone or your family, that becomes a rather different story. The objective is selfless, but the act is selfish. Drawing a line across the boundary.
Selflessness sounds good...but once you start imposing selflessness by helping others on the expense of another, you start feeling selfish in your act of selflessness. The objective and act may be selfless, but the by-product and result may not end up the same.
"Recover Post" helped me this time. Whew...I've accidently had pressed Ctrl-A, a letter and Ctrl-S subsequently, which is select all > overwrite wif a letter > publish. Fortunately I pressed "back button" and "Recover Post". Look, Blogger is doing its job well. Who else said Blogger does not have a post recovery feature? I just used it! *applause*
Anyway...I've known this fact for a long time and I'm through both, but a bit more on the latter incidence. My dad often tell me "I know you like to help, why don't you help out more at home?" and mom tells me "Helping people is good, but know your limitations."...so such issues don't seem foreign to me.
"What do you want out from helping people?" I asked myself. I wonder. Or maybe I know, just that I choose to not accept my own perspective. I think I do know after all. It's probably just about the reason why I have 2 older godsisters, and 5 younger godsisters, and a god-daughter(which is about the age of most of my younger godsisters). I often preferred the "jie and mei" kinda reference but just in case I have my US/Canada counterparts reading my blog to keep track of my life...but in any case, they probably will only understand half of what I'm saying. Siblingship is something in me that says "ok, I now draw a line" and it's by far one of the better lines that I've drawn for myself (with one or two situations exceptional).
There has been no solutions to much of my situations right now...or I would say, no ideal solutions. I guess it's jus so many things coming at once I do not know the way to go about doing it. I really believe I have to draw out a plan to make sure I can achieve things in time. And maybe I should take time to do a bit of practising of stuff like Macromedia Flash. Been into SG these days, maybe I should polish my skills by doing something related. Oh yeah, of non-relation, I'm cash-strapped. LOL.
Things really come thick and fast now. It's about time I should seriously be selfish a little and look into my own options. No availability, pass. Sub-standard, pass. Till I located my really good target. To implore, to get information will be another matter. Time-save and budget-care is very important. I can't go about being a spendthrift any longer - I'm not that young any longer.
I should review my circle of friends as well, highlighting aspects and stuff. Take my time to analyse the places I go, noting what should I do to increase my own credentials and chances of stuff. I think I have a rough idea of practicality already, but I do not know if I can do it. Wonder who can give me proper support to do it.
Rosanne, where are you? =)
.LuKe.
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