Wandering thoughts

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] Basic Element – This Must Be A Dream ‘2005 (Radio Edit)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Double Chocolate Frappe

Now taking a drink in McCafe, sipping their Double Chocolate Frappe which is currently “my drink” in this place.

They say being loved is a good thing, but do you feel that sometimes it does not bring you anywhere at all? I felt like that some point of time, and now I’m feeling it again. Seriously, I don’t think anyone can understand how I feel without knowing what has happened. Then again, I don’t wish anyone else to know what happened in any single case..it will cause quite a log of debate I believe.

Just had a game of DDR Extreme and PPP with workwear, how’s that? I don’t know of much people who does that (there are, and I know them), and it certainly make people think that I’m mad.

I think I’m seriously mad as well.

Everyday as I walk through this grim journey of darkness, I do not know what kind of things lay in store for me. I do not know if the light I see will aid me in my route to the unknown or simply blind me, making my voyage ever perilous.

Somehow, the kind of love unto me seems too puzzling to me, even thought-provoking. How did I get such kind of attention?

I’ve doubted my ability to love anymore. I can’t trust my own intuition and instinct anymore; I’m just walking and swaying about, wandering into the vast land of mystery.

I can’t exactly tell what’s right or wrong anymore; I’m just walking the way I want, not seriously thinking about grave consequences as I might endanger the people around me.

I was selfless on a selfish note, selfish on myself and now selfish without possible recognition of anything around me. I know I’m not myself anymore, and something which I didn’t want to happen had happened to me.

Yet I’m not pulling myself back from this plunge. It seems I WANTED this fall into the abyss. I refused the rope, the harnass, a ladder – I just wanted to fall deep and die when I reach the bottom – or get crushed by immerse pressure I put myself in while falling.

For those who are out of my life, you’re lucky you needn’t have to bother about me. For those who just came in, please take care and do pull yourself back and not to save me as I fell past your window.

If you think you’re the one who caused my current situation, don’t think so much about it. As I said, I chose my route and you needn’t have to account to anything. Just take good care of yourself and not let me pull you with me into the everlasting darkness.

Then again, I’m the one causing the trouble, so as to speak. How shall punishment and retribution get to me in time, I wonder.

I know I’m just being overly-critical of myself. Don’t worry, this is just what I call as a “neutral” post – no sadness, no happiness, just thoughts.

I’m just waiting for something good or bad to happen to me so I can change my course. Till then, I’m on a Neverending Dream. =)

.LuKe.