HmMm

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral, up and down

[CuRRent Song:] Deep Spirit - You're The One That I Want (Bass Up! Remix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Mushroom Swiss Meal

Nowadays my thoughts are contradicting like much never before. Drains my energy really.

Oh well, another time. LOL.

.LuKe.

Come to think...(hehe)...

[CuRRent MooD:] Normal, "sian"

[CuRRent Song:] 2 Alive - Tell It To My Heart

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] MacNugget Meal (Coke for drink)

Hmmm...this edit box looks different. Is it the IE for my notebook or did Blogger change it? Anyway...tomorrow is my IPPT!!! Confirm die until no place to bury...unless hor as what I told my colleague...that instructor is fren fren den 3 pull-up can say till 6 pull-ups den I nothing to say...but where got so heng rite in life...I know my life quite blessed already but...lol

Life in GSK is rather busy but fruitful, since I've been learning a lot of things technically and also in documentation. Lily (my mentor?) has helped a lot and though she can be a lil naggy at times (a mother of kids ard my age, what to do?), she has tried a lot in guiding us along. Through her I knew about how so much documentation can be troublesome yet good in the long run since it proves as a good tool to track as well as to protect our own asses :).

It has been over a week I've last blogged, but when you see me blog, it probably means that I have so much spare time in my hands. No not really, just that I'm procrastinating at doing my normal stuff like sleep (actually I slept earlier) and doing mopping for my house. Today I went GMP to sign my updated contract at GSK. When I saw the contract, I couldn't believe my eyes. Not what I expected, so I had Jacee, Nicole (I think) as well as their assistant recruitment manager to help me "appeal" for a better pay. I got a response saying HP will review my progress in the next 3 months. DAMNIT I GONNA WAIT FOR ANOTHER FUCKING 3 MONTHS??? THIS SUCKS!!! Now I realised my jie (Alynna) is damn right to have asked for my Resume...but never mind, since it's in my personal policy to stay in a job at least half a year, I will try to sustain till then. At least they give me extra $200 for transport allowance.

I will be getting myself an iPod Nano as a birthday present for myself on coming pay day. Wait wait wait...birthday? Got the hint? No...then you better read my entry 100 times more and drill it into your head. As for my plans to "wire up" (actually technically it's "wire-less up") and get a notebook, I have to review on my expenditure as well as whether my pathetic pay will allow me to sustain installment plan + interest incurred. Sunshine told me it's not necessary yet for me to get a notebook, that I understand...but then sometimes I see my computer giving me glitches, I wonder what should be my next step really. If I were to get a second PC and wire-less up, I might as well get a notebook, got my point? PC is much cheaper but if you look at the setup of my home, where do I put a second PC? Sunshine suggested me to save up patiently and purchase the notebook directly...that is also an idea, but then I still need to return money to Berlinda, and also for those who knows me well...God, I can't save!!! Anyway another reason I wanted to get a second set is for me to play game...UFO: Aftershock needed at least FX5800 standards...omg my graphics card is only 5700...the notebook I'm targetting has Radeon X1400...way so powerful! My only concern is that raw CPU speed will be outclassed by PCs easily, after all it's running on a Centrino 1.8GHz (but I may go on full investment to probably pump it 2GB RAM, since it comes with 1GB).

About me and Sunshine...there has been...issues. I really think it's my fault all the time, but after reviewing what has been happening, I've finally noticed the thing missing between us: the "spark". I've noticed in much of my relationships last time there is a "fire" or probably "sparks" but this time round...the heat is not really so strong. It's not really her fault since she has her own obligations and stuff, and so have I...but somehow things have not gone the way I intended to be. I've noticed yet another matter - the attention "they" get from people of the opposite sex. "They" referred to my interests, my past GFs...maybe even talking about my current one. I noticed I can probably stand against normal competition while pursuing the girl, but once I'm with her, I probably turn half a blind eye when it comes to my GF having male company. This policy is there because I certainly wouldn't like my GF to scream at me for every girl that I go out with (on considering I have quite a number of Godsisters and one or two close female frens). I refer this matter to current situation as I understand Sunshine having quite some male company around her. While I don't get myself jealous over those guys once she's my GF (come on, I respect and trust her), but I noticed I tend to become overly "bo hue" and things really start to happen. Want to go out with them, go out lor...I also nothing to say. I hear you say got plans with them, well it's ok, go with them. Yes, I have priority over them, but I never like to break plans just as well I do not want my GF to break any plans that I might've arranged with my frens. Sometimes I also need my GF to be proactive and wanting to go out with me, arranging outings with me. That sounds pretty stupid as many might think the guy should be the one arranging it, but come on...not everything is "standard" in my eyes. I believe most females who arranged a meetup with me would've noticed I can attend most of them, this of course applies to my GF.

I add on the abovementioned with comparison to Shan. Shan was an "automatic" girl - once she's with me, she really tend to tune out with other guys. Yes, I know guys do try to ask her out, but most of the time she prefers to spend time with me and thus the other guys really don't have much time to spend with her.

What I've just said is an unfair comparison to my personal standards. See, I don't expect my GF to have no guy frens once she's with me, but I guess she must adjust a lil and see to my needs. And yeah, unfortunately I have so much needs (and wants). Once I see that my GF actually does something significant, I will notice much of the time (and if I don't, probably we'll have to thrash it out) and do appropriate adjustments.

Ok I better go out of topic. Yesterday night I gave Linda face and went MU. Saw my bro, Andy, their friends and...wait, Ying²? OMG I almost couldn't recognise her. After hanging there for a while, I got real bored and dialled my dad's number and got myself the journey home.

Today's conclusion - I am such a selfish idiot (I think it should be conclusion of the year(s)).

.LuKe.

Dum di dum dum di di dum

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired, fine

[CuRRent Song:] Neo Cortex - Elements 2004 (Club Mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Yu Sheng

Gosh, I am so tired right now. It’s Sunday and a good day today cos I have lotsa paternal relatives in my house right now. It’s just a part of CNY that I quite look forward to though it does bring a busy part of me along cos of all the preparations required.

This year’s gathering has a little more commotion cos apart from the usual relatives, I have my 3rd aunt’s second daughter (with her daughter as well) and my 1st aunt’s daughter-in-law with her son too. Of cos, Joanna (3rd aunt’s youngest daughter) here with me, and also my 3rd uncle’s youngest daughter as well. You must be wondering – why all females? Well, probably sons won’t be too bothered to tag parents along with visiting…that is, with me as an exception. Just went away for a moment to “lao yu sheng” to bring wealth and health to all, it’s just a tradition that we Chinese follow along the New Year.

The first people who came along was my 3rd aunt along with Joanna and…(what’s her name)…is it Janice or something? Haha..really can’t remember that much..but I know all 3 sisters had names start with J. There ain’t much for me to entertain Joanna as her sister is here unless the previous year, so I have pretty much time for me to do random stuff and to rest a little. The rest came along rather quickly with 2nd uncle being the latest to arrive. We just proceed with the tradition and small chat would be heard. Surprisingly, my brother did not disappear this year upon their arrival.

Yesterday I went out with Sunshine to see the fireworks over at Esplanade. Took some pics as well, I was late upon meeting up wif her and took me a bit for me to make her smile. Sorry dear :p the rest is just normal stuff, walking here and there, went to Bugis and Sim Lim Square and took a look at Linksys Routers…saw some games and spotted Aftershock, the sequel to Aftermath (UFO series). To think their requirements went beyond my expectations – it required an FX5700 as a bare minimum while I only have an FX5500! Talking about technological advancements…

(Update) Just got to know from Joanna that her second sister is Joan(ne?) and her eldest sister is Joyce. LOL.

I am so tired. Haha.

Come to think, Joanne’s daughter is cute while my eldest aunt’s grandson looked much like her son.

Shimin (3rd uncle’s daughter) is a lil weird. Haha.

I’ll just end here. Nothing too much of mention.

.LuKe.

Another super entry

[CuRRent MooD:] Confused

[CuRRent Song:] Dave Rodgers - Let's Go To The Show (K2 The AutoMesse)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] N.A.

Written on Friday, 10th Feb.

Haha, another blog entry outside my home as I brought my notebook outside my company and moving about. Right now I’m on my way to hotspot..haha as usual on a Friday right? I wonder what is “as usual” btw.

In front of me is a couple, an NHSS couple. LOL maybe ain’t couple yet but can tell they are pretty close I guess. It always makes me pay a bit more attention if the other party comes from my Alma Mater. Oh, jus spotted the guy trying to tilt his head on the gal’s shoulder…accident, maybe?

OMG, stop that snooping business Luke. What business is it of yours to be checking out other people’s private matters…do you like some other people to be looking at you while you are enjoying your day out with your gf?

Hmmm. Darn I’m talking to myself.

Work was busy this week, and today is a relief compared to the rest of the week. This job made me tougher I guess, and certainly made me learn so much more. I feel so much more enriched while I’m in this current project of mine.

I’ve thought of a few new stupid stuff to do, like setting up a webbie, a system, whatever…just another stupid random 3-minute heat kinda matter. Wanna have some online system that can let people order food online and have it catered to their homes…like Pizza Hut “zi-cha” style. I thought of it as I went Candy’s (my colleague) place to set up the wireless network and she ordered “zi-cha” from the coffeeshop though phone…and they bring it up for you once your order exceeds 8 bucks! I think it is a possible industry to work on, after all, who doesn’t need to eat?

Yeah hug and hug…oh no there goes myself glancing at another couple hugging each other at the doorstep of the train. So what’s going on with me? I think I have a screw loose or something. And the guy…oh my, dunno look a bit like those butch kind…but I firmly believe is still a guy la.

Gonna sleep my notebook for a while I guess…cos reaching Raffles Place and need to change to North-South line. Ok BRB.

Now eating KFC and blogging, how power can I get? Haha BRB.

Back after eating KFC. Think I will be down MU for a while later, finish up the Chivas from last week. Yes, I know part of it belongs to Linda but I couldn’t care less at all. Bad of me? Maybe.

So what’s up for Valentine’s Day? Frankly speaking I’ve not felt so much of a loss since God knows when…for the past years I’ve not been really celebrating V-Day, so a lot of my ideas would’ve dried up. Sometimes I wonder what happened to me…I used to be so full of ideas, so anticipative of this special day of the year…but look what happened to me.

Somehow, I felt desensitised. I dunno why that’s the case, but certainly I can feel it.

Sunshine and I had a fair share of arguments, but it seems we’ve never quarrelled before. Is that a good thing? Nowadays I do not know what I want…or maybe I know what I want, only that……

What? I guess only I myself knows what I am about. A lot of times it’s not that I do not understand myself, but instead I do know a great deal about myself…perhaps a bit too much at times that I chose to avoid looking at myself with that kind of light. Currently living a life of contradiction, I really am finding a true self that I seek. Sometimes I really wish I can go back ten years in time when so much is still in true nature, when things are still slow and the mind is rather clear but unachieving.

A KFC crew caught a cold.

I’m digressing.

A babe with a cool-looking guy.

I’m so out of topic really.

Looking outside, just what’s on with me? People going up the escalator, moving towards their destination. Shouldn’t I just follow them and move out of my current status, leaving only a carcass of my life? Noise just left me, moving towards the direction which they so please.

I see my life go past me. I see life in the eyes of mine. If I can assume the very image which people thought of what I am, I think that will be brilliant. Wait, ain’t that part of my past – living for others, in the eyes of others? Perhaps…those times are so much more peaceful, thinking about others and not about myself.

Come to realise that I’ve grown so much more selfish. I care only for myself much more than what I am years ago. When have I learnt to be like this?

An average cute-looking girl walks along with her boyfriend, sitting down at a corner of the restaurant. Look blissful. She’s smiling, cos her guy cares so much about her.

I felt so tired all of a sudden. Physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally desensitised. Lustfully unmatched, unsatisfied.

Yes, you did not see that wrongly, that’s just a side of me that much people either do not know or not care about it at all.

Some time back, I wrote “Love’s not the game for me”, a song that I’ve not conjured the exact tune yet. Masterfully done, Love’s really not the game for me because Love played me out.

Another female reside the table next to mine. Let me anticipate that a guy will come along with food and perhaps a smile. She is SMSing right now.

As you see, I’m doing a lot of irritating things like getting out of topic and losing focus. Truth is, I chose to do so. I guess this will be a spacy and probably lengthy entry, but what do you expect of someone who have not blogged a week, or probably only do so once a week nowadays? I guess I’ll do complaining and ranting this much, so much. Hahaha.

I wanted to stretch my arms but now I can’t cos of the lady’s existence. Talk about restrictions. Speaking of that, my past has a lot of restrictions, I limit myself a lot so I won’t go out of hand…but it seems life has progressed so much that those restrictions gave way and my life went really out of hand compared to the old times.

I shall stop here. I shall write down the lyrics of Siria’s I Will Believe It.

I Will Believe It by Siria

(I will believe it)
(I will believe it)

It’s over boy
Everyone can tell
No need to hide it from your friends
It’s sad but it’s true
You got yourself to blame
And you will never understand

Don’t try to talk me into it again

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it when I receive the love
That makes me feel alive

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it but I can feel your love
So now I realise this is goodbye

This is goodbye

Let’s face it boy
It wasn’t meant to be
You and me, don’t you understand?

Don’t try to talk me into it again

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it when I receive the love
That makes me feel alive

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it but I can feel your love
So now I realise

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it when I receive the love
That makes me feel alive

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it but I can feel your love
So now I realise this is goodbye

Last note: life really twists right in front of me, unlike my expectations. In the end, the gal went to buy KFC with the guy just joining the table as she was buying food. She came back the table with the food, and that’s it. I felt a wall between them – is it they ain’t a couple, or they were a couple? The girl sits in defensive, but could tell she is paying attention to the guy. The guy is in open position, so it seems he has confidence in the situation.

This girl just needs the love she wants. Lord, let her have it. :)

.LuKe.

Long time no update

[CuRRent MooD:] Average

[CuRRent Song:] Nothing

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] None

3rd Feb 2006

Oh well, here I am waiting for Linda. Sometimes this life of mine is too uncertain and bothersome to be called peaceful. Now, who even mention that it is peaceful? This world ain’t even peaceful right from the beginning.

Tomorrow I’m going out wif Sunshine to watch a movie, probably “Fun with Dick and Jane” by Jim Carrey. I’m sure it’s going to be a lame show but what gives anyway.

Just now “Half Pig” wanted me to support her at her workplace but I’m not really too much into it so I rejected her. Sometimes I think I’m being too realistic, and sometimes being not. I think I always do the wrong things at the right times, hahaha…that sounds real silly, isn’t it?

Now waiting outside MU, bumped onto a regular who I got to know from Serene (MU). Oh well I’m not going to stay in here for too long since I’m expecting people to be coming to my place tomorrow.

Actually I think I’m trying to write as much as I can, but I guess I’m trying too hard.

It’s Chinese New Year period, the air is average to say the least. Collection is average, but I guess some points to note maybe, is about how people have grown through the years. Looking at my cousins, to say the least, is something I enjoy doing in the recent years. Of course, that means making a personal statement or judgment whether they like it or not…not to degrade anyone, since I’m ain’t that good a person as well.

While I was on the way off work to Boon Lay, I was smsing Joanna, my paternal 3rd Aunt’s youngest daughter. Sorta glad she kinda wants to see me ard every CNY, I guess that’s kinda cool, don’t you think so?

Linda’s taking a bit long. DUH.

Looking at myself, I think I’m not worth so much luck or fortune that God bestowed unto me. Maybe the only reason why He decides to give so much to me is due to my parents – I’m supposed to take care of them till they are gone. Ehm…dai gai lai si, it’s too early to say such things and furthermore CNY, I tink I really looking for trouble leh…hahaha…

Just saw a mother and her daughter. Wow. The daughter really dressed up to look older, but anyone can tell she’s younger.

What do I want in life? I realised I got what I wanted simply because I did not pursue it too persistently. No way back though – there seems no way to recover that kind of feeling to not have what I want. Throughout these years I’ve became more selfish, or maybe my selfishness surfaced from my depths. I’m really drawing the thin line between selfishness and selflessness, but I think I’m at the former right now, and probably for a long time down the road of my life.

Ok Linda is here. Ja’ne.

4th Feb 2006

Ytd at MU saw someone who look so much like Jeannie (Chocobits). Her name is Ivy and she's Angeline's friend. Haha.

Now nothing much to update, only some pple came my place. Aiya, stomachache. See ya.

.LuKe.