Just a bo liao thing :)

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] Bl-chen - Schmetterlinge (album mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Green Tea

Just something for fun...

http://www.myheritage.com

Introduced by Christina...hehe





Never knew I look like chio bu using my Jean Yip pic (see my friendster)...

.LuKe.

It's a Friday evening

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] None

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Double Cheeseburger

(written on Friday evening, 24-Mar-06 around 7pm)

I noticed that nowadays I’ve been forgetting about little things that pple tells me and always remember the things I told pple in particular. Brings me a fact I’m being more selfish with years to go, isn’t it? Sometimes I wonder what am I becoming..this society and world is already very bad, and this transformation could only make it a little worse than before. When can I find myself?

Anyway, I’m waiting for Desy to come over Lucky Plaza. The reason why I started my entry like this was cos yesterday she told me to call her once I’m off work, but I could only remember I told her to meet at 7 or 7:30pm. Something’s wrong with me, don’t you think so?

I’ve been talking to my new fren these days and she’s really a nice lady to chat with. I couldn’t believe some of the topics which we touched on...and I tink sooner or later the level might be close or equal to that of what I last touched on in the old days with Rosanne. Come of which, I think I’ve never mentioned Rosanne (Rose) in my blog before. Rose is my online friend in USA, Seattle. I got to know her during my Poly days when the online text-based game Archmage was rather popular. She was a player in it and not knowing the ropes, I taught her the ways to go playing the game. The rest is history; we got to chat in email and conversed on phone freely through a lot of topics. The cultural differences only made the bond more interesting as we constantly ask new things to find out about each other. Come to think, good things don’t last long.

Today I got stuck in QR site the whole day cos of those stupid new tapes which of cos after some deductions I felt wasn’t the cause of the jamming of the tape drive – I believe the tape drive is faulty.

Desy actually asked me out on Saturday to chiong – certainly something that’s so out of the blue. Later I found out it has to do with the new guy she likes cos the guy chiongs. Oh man..I really do not have much to say about that. Asked her why this time round she switched target, thought it was another and guessed what she replied? “Like father like daughter ma!!” – OMG. This is so mean of her.

Tried to get my new fren out but she is tied up with her dad’s birthday so I have not much to say about that, adding on the fact she’s more or less married and under her husband’s say that she won’t be chionging cos something happened last time while she was chionging that she got “banned”. LOL…how bad can that get?

I got my shades out and tried wearing them on and walking about. Oh man it’s certainly not what I term as comfortable, but at least I’m not awkward I guess. It’s a good addition to the limited amount of accessories that I have in my possession…wait, what kind of accessories do I actually have? =) lol.

She’ll probably be here in around ten minutes’ time, so my entry is coming to an end. Well, I’ve told really a little too much about myself to someone whom I’ve known for only a few days – something which always happen so long I’m comfortable with someone. Come of which, Desy has arrived.

See ya pple =)

Middle of the week

[CuRRent MooD:] Worried, thinking, wondering

[CuRRent Song:] Madonna - Hung Up

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Laksa + Teh Peng

Wonder where Sunshine went to. Tried calling her so many times, but on one occasion she just hung up on me. Now I dun even have much mood to take my "supper". On the same hand, also not much mood to play SG as well.

Been a long time since I've bumped onto someone who can pretty much chat up with me, this person that I've just known happens to be someone new in GSK. She's from HR and just a few months younger than me, and preparing for marriage. -.- that's stressful. If you happen to see a new face in my Friendster, that's her.

I'm so terribly broke right now, I wonder how am I to survive. Add on the fact my godsis wants me to return her money in full, I'm doing the calculations now and am not optimistic...not to mention I'm getting 2 techno CDs and a Para Para DVD imported in. The discs in total would probably cost me ard $100 and thinking of the extra $500 I had to return her, that's $600 gone from pay. Add on my dumb bills which amount to ard $200 including my savings' plan, I also have to cater ard $100 of transport, $50 to cashcard for meals in GSK...you get the plan. It's going to be a tough month before govt decides to give us money. Oh yea...not to mention I have to return my parents money owed, and also monthly allowance to them which totals about $200 or more. I'm left with almost nothing -.-...

How am I to survive April......and I'm getting a fridge for the family probably in May.

I wonder why am I the one to be doing all these. You might say "I can choose NOT to buy the CDs"...yeah, I can. What's life if you can't get the little things that you want?

Endure. I really have to endure all these shit.

I really, really, really really x 1,000,000 hope "that guy" in my family finally bucks up and do something. There is this limitation I can endure, that I can stand, that I can sustain. Don't make me burst.

That's the reason why I think I wanna find what I want, but seemingly I can't have it.

That's life.

.LuKe.

Never-ending thoughts.

[CuRRent MooD:] Always mind-boggling. Always puzzled. Always...uncertain.

[CuRRent Song:] E-Type - Rain

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Sichuan Vege + Yong Tau Foo Soup + Rice & Pokka Green Tea

I should be satisfied.

But why ain't I?

I have yet to find my inner peace.

.LuKe.

My short update

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] 2 Alive - Tell It To My Heart

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] LJS

Now waiting for Sunshine..hehe…yeah…

Not much things for me to update..work is busy as usual, with all those stupid servers on and off…also very sian to say the least…like always ready to fight wif fire like dat…hehe…now I so pai kuan in LJS blogging…I think the crowd is coming in so I wun be using for too long…furthermore not to say that Sunshine will be coming in about 15 mins time..

Back to the weekend, I went MU on Saturday and saw the new lightings. I would say it brought a different effect and ambience to MU. Last time MU is pretty dark and that you can’t see too much faces – but now it’s so bright with the new lightings on the stage that shines upwards – people can even dance on it. The stage is instantly lit up and from it you can really tell how much dry ice MU emits per night by looking at the stage from a distance. It gets so smoky sometimes you can’t differentiate the stage from the floor (that is, if you are on stage attempting to go down). With the new toys, you can really tell who’s good on stage and who’s not (that is, me).

SG-wise, I’m about lvl 20 post-reinc. So far I’m ok with 12 units though it gets a little hard to manage at times. With 6 extra units at my disposal, it gets funny sometimes on how I wanna use them. Dun get what I said? Go get SG and try it out.

I’m harbouring the thought of version 6.0 for my blog. Didn’t you guys get sick of seeing my dark red skin? I got bored of it. Need something brighter. :)

See ya.

.LuKe.

Divine Protection

[CuRRent MooD:] Figuring Mood

[CuRRent Song:] Magic D - Someday (Original Radio Edit)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Rice + Steamed Fish

Weird title eh? This thing has been revolving around my mind for an extreme amount of time, but most notably these few years. I did notice that whatever I do, whatever I plan and think is often been prejudged or negated by some "higher being" up there.

I'm far from a good guy, so I do harbour evil intentions at times. This is an interesting thought though, that every time I do plan carefully and with purpose, somehow something will happen that will spoil the entire plan or cripple it so there is no way I can proceed even with contingency plans. If this ain't divine intervention, I wonder what it is. It happened WAY too much times.

Either He has been protecting me from harm, or that He is preventing others from being harmed, that He chose to stop all similar processes. It could be that whatever I do may cause myself harm in the long run that was stopped, or that it could cause more damage to others so it got interrupted. Whatever it is, it is certainly weird.

Coming to another point, when will this Protection actually end? I start to speculate, and my first deduction will be when my family gets properly taken care of (actually I'm referring to the "worse" sense, but I'm not spelling it out here). Once they are being taken care of, there is nothing left for me to fend for, to worry for, and therefore I'm left by myself to account for and I do not require to repay debts, thus leaving me to be exposed to the very deep evils of the world. Other than this speculation, I cannot find another probable date that the Protection will cease. Call it an imaginary view, but that's me - living in my dream world.

Point of note: Divine Protection actually makes an exception if a great deal of lessons are to be learnt from an escapade. I can't really remember if this happened more than once (what I mean is I made plans for something to happen and it actually happens), but I do recall the single one in Shan's incident.

... Scanning Memories ...

... Stopping Scan ...

I really can't think of anything else that was sinisterly planned and succeeded.

Let's see if Divine Protection works on my next "evil plan".

.LuKe.

Disclaimer: I'm only ranting and expressing my thoughts. I hope I won't receive any form of preaching.

Tomorrow is a Tuesday

[CuRRent MooD:] Mixed: It's neutral, confused, bothered, pondering etc.

[CuRRent Song:] 2 Alive - Tell It To My Heart

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Laksa + Teh Peng

Actually by now I don't have much to blog, not that nothing interesting or what came my way but...somehow it just made me lose the feeling to blog.

Wonder what happened to me. Work? Probably.

.LuKe.

Midweek Wednesday

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral

[CuRRent Song:] Nuage - You'll Never Stop Me Lovin' You

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Laksa and Green Tea

Kinda unusual for me to be blogging midweek nowadays. Gonna continue my dotter's work later, hopefully I can finish basically for her to submit.

Birthday coming soon...ten days later =) so anyone wanna give me presents but have not got an idea? Hehe I've bought myself an iPod Nano, so if you really have no idea, I give you very good choice la...give me $$$ lor...hahaha~...

I'm already planning for my weekend, though this week isn't that too easy a week either - gonna rush some stuff at work before I can bring it to a close. There's something to do every week, I wonder when things will come to a point "I'm used to it"...when?

I gonna plan properly this time, inviting only a few drinking friends of mine. I'll see who else I can get. All in all, just a chillout. There are already a few people in mind that I'm not going to invite...some things in life have to change, and I have to make more decisions to tune myself down now. I better not give myself more trouble as the years go by.

Till then, happy birthday to myself...

.LuKe.

HmMm

[CuRRent MooD:] Neutral, up and down

[CuRRent Song:] Deep Spirit - You're The One That I Want (Bass Up! Remix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Mushroom Swiss Meal

Nowadays my thoughts are contradicting like much never before. Drains my energy really.

Oh well, another time. LOL.

.LuKe.

Come to think...(hehe)...

[CuRRent MooD:] Normal, "sian"

[CuRRent Song:] 2 Alive - Tell It To My Heart

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] MacNugget Meal (Coke for drink)

Hmmm...this edit box looks different. Is it the IE for my notebook or did Blogger change it? Anyway...tomorrow is my IPPT!!! Confirm die until no place to bury...unless hor as what I told my colleague...that instructor is fren fren den 3 pull-up can say till 6 pull-ups den I nothing to say...but where got so heng rite in life...I know my life quite blessed already but...lol

Life in GSK is rather busy but fruitful, since I've been learning a lot of things technically and also in documentation. Lily (my mentor?) has helped a lot and though she can be a lil naggy at times (a mother of kids ard my age, what to do?), she has tried a lot in guiding us along. Through her I knew about how so much documentation can be troublesome yet good in the long run since it proves as a good tool to track as well as to protect our own asses :).

It has been over a week I've last blogged, but when you see me blog, it probably means that I have so much spare time in my hands. No not really, just that I'm procrastinating at doing my normal stuff like sleep (actually I slept earlier) and doing mopping for my house. Today I went GMP to sign my updated contract at GSK. When I saw the contract, I couldn't believe my eyes. Not what I expected, so I had Jacee, Nicole (I think) as well as their assistant recruitment manager to help me "appeal" for a better pay. I got a response saying HP will review my progress in the next 3 months. DAMNIT I GONNA WAIT FOR ANOTHER FUCKING 3 MONTHS??? THIS SUCKS!!! Now I realised my jie (Alynna) is damn right to have asked for my Resume...but never mind, since it's in my personal policy to stay in a job at least half a year, I will try to sustain till then. At least they give me extra $200 for transport allowance.

I will be getting myself an iPod Nano as a birthday present for myself on coming pay day. Wait wait wait...birthday? Got the hint? No...then you better read my entry 100 times more and drill it into your head. As for my plans to "wire up" (actually technically it's "wire-less up") and get a notebook, I have to review on my expenditure as well as whether my pathetic pay will allow me to sustain installment plan + interest incurred. Sunshine told me it's not necessary yet for me to get a notebook, that I understand...but then sometimes I see my computer giving me glitches, I wonder what should be my next step really. If I were to get a second PC and wire-less up, I might as well get a notebook, got my point? PC is much cheaper but if you look at the setup of my home, where do I put a second PC? Sunshine suggested me to save up patiently and purchase the notebook directly...that is also an idea, but then I still need to return money to Berlinda, and also for those who knows me well...God, I can't save!!! Anyway another reason I wanted to get a second set is for me to play game...UFO: Aftershock needed at least FX5800 standards...omg my graphics card is only 5700...the notebook I'm targetting has Radeon X1400...way so powerful! My only concern is that raw CPU speed will be outclassed by PCs easily, after all it's running on a Centrino 1.8GHz (but I may go on full investment to probably pump it 2GB RAM, since it comes with 1GB).

About me and Sunshine...there has been...issues. I really think it's my fault all the time, but after reviewing what has been happening, I've finally noticed the thing missing between us: the "spark". I've noticed in much of my relationships last time there is a "fire" or probably "sparks" but this time round...the heat is not really so strong. It's not really her fault since she has her own obligations and stuff, and so have I...but somehow things have not gone the way I intended to be. I've noticed yet another matter - the attention "they" get from people of the opposite sex. "They" referred to my interests, my past GFs...maybe even talking about my current one. I noticed I can probably stand against normal competition while pursuing the girl, but once I'm with her, I probably turn half a blind eye when it comes to my GF having male company. This policy is there because I certainly wouldn't like my GF to scream at me for every girl that I go out with (on considering I have quite a number of Godsisters and one or two close female frens). I refer this matter to current situation as I understand Sunshine having quite some male company around her. While I don't get myself jealous over those guys once she's my GF (come on, I respect and trust her), but I noticed I tend to become overly "bo hue" and things really start to happen. Want to go out with them, go out lor...I also nothing to say. I hear you say got plans with them, well it's ok, go with them. Yes, I have priority over them, but I never like to break plans just as well I do not want my GF to break any plans that I might've arranged with my frens. Sometimes I also need my GF to be proactive and wanting to go out with me, arranging outings with me. That sounds pretty stupid as many might think the guy should be the one arranging it, but come on...not everything is "standard" in my eyes. I believe most females who arranged a meetup with me would've noticed I can attend most of them, this of course applies to my GF.

I add on the abovementioned with comparison to Shan. Shan was an "automatic" girl - once she's with me, she really tend to tune out with other guys. Yes, I know guys do try to ask her out, but most of the time she prefers to spend time with me and thus the other guys really don't have much time to spend with her.

What I've just said is an unfair comparison to my personal standards. See, I don't expect my GF to have no guy frens once she's with me, but I guess she must adjust a lil and see to my needs. And yeah, unfortunately I have so much needs (and wants). Once I see that my GF actually does something significant, I will notice much of the time (and if I don't, probably we'll have to thrash it out) and do appropriate adjustments.

Ok I better go out of topic. Yesterday night I gave Linda face and went MU. Saw my bro, Andy, their friends and...wait, Ying²? OMG I almost couldn't recognise her. After hanging there for a while, I got real bored and dialled my dad's number and got myself the journey home.

Today's conclusion - I am such a selfish idiot (I think it should be conclusion of the year(s)).

.LuKe.

Dum di dum dum di di dum

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired, fine

[CuRRent Song:] Neo Cortex - Elements 2004 (Club Mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Yu Sheng

Gosh, I am so tired right now. It’s Sunday and a good day today cos I have lotsa paternal relatives in my house right now. It’s just a part of CNY that I quite look forward to though it does bring a busy part of me along cos of all the preparations required.

This year’s gathering has a little more commotion cos apart from the usual relatives, I have my 3rd aunt’s second daughter (with her daughter as well) and my 1st aunt’s daughter-in-law with her son too. Of cos, Joanna (3rd aunt’s youngest daughter) here with me, and also my 3rd uncle’s youngest daughter as well. You must be wondering – why all females? Well, probably sons won’t be too bothered to tag parents along with visiting…that is, with me as an exception. Just went away for a moment to “lao yu sheng” to bring wealth and health to all, it’s just a tradition that we Chinese follow along the New Year.

The first people who came along was my 3rd aunt along with Joanna and…(what’s her name)…is it Janice or something? Haha..really can’t remember that much..but I know all 3 sisters had names start with J. There ain’t much for me to entertain Joanna as her sister is here unless the previous year, so I have pretty much time for me to do random stuff and to rest a little. The rest came along rather quickly with 2nd uncle being the latest to arrive. We just proceed with the tradition and small chat would be heard. Surprisingly, my brother did not disappear this year upon their arrival.

Yesterday I went out with Sunshine to see the fireworks over at Esplanade. Took some pics as well, I was late upon meeting up wif her and took me a bit for me to make her smile. Sorry dear :p the rest is just normal stuff, walking here and there, went to Bugis and Sim Lim Square and took a look at Linksys Routers…saw some games and spotted Aftershock, the sequel to Aftermath (UFO series). To think their requirements went beyond my expectations – it required an FX5700 as a bare minimum while I only have an FX5500! Talking about technological advancements…

(Update) Just got to know from Joanna that her second sister is Joan(ne?) and her eldest sister is Joyce. LOL.

I am so tired. Haha.

Come to think, Joanne’s daughter is cute while my eldest aunt’s grandson looked much like her son.

Shimin (3rd uncle’s daughter) is a lil weird. Haha.

I’ll just end here. Nothing too much of mention.

.LuKe.

Another super entry

[CuRRent MooD:] Confused

[CuRRent Song:] Dave Rodgers - Let's Go To The Show (K2 The AutoMesse)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] N.A.

Written on Friday, 10th Feb.

Haha, another blog entry outside my home as I brought my notebook outside my company and moving about. Right now I’m on my way to hotspot..haha as usual on a Friday right? I wonder what is “as usual” btw.

In front of me is a couple, an NHSS couple. LOL maybe ain’t couple yet but can tell they are pretty close I guess. It always makes me pay a bit more attention if the other party comes from my Alma Mater. Oh, jus spotted the guy trying to tilt his head on the gal’s shoulder…accident, maybe?

OMG, stop that snooping business Luke. What business is it of yours to be checking out other people’s private matters…do you like some other people to be looking at you while you are enjoying your day out with your gf?

Hmmm. Darn I’m talking to myself.

Work was busy this week, and today is a relief compared to the rest of the week. This job made me tougher I guess, and certainly made me learn so much more. I feel so much more enriched while I’m in this current project of mine.

I’ve thought of a few new stupid stuff to do, like setting up a webbie, a system, whatever…just another stupid random 3-minute heat kinda matter. Wanna have some online system that can let people order food online and have it catered to their homes…like Pizza Hut “zi-cha” style. I thought of it as I went Candy’s (my colleague) place to set up the wireless network and she ordered “zi-cha” from the coffeeshop though phone…and they bring it up for you once your order exceeds 8 bucks! I think it is a possible industry to work on, after all, who doesn’t need to eat?

Yeah hug and hug…oh no there goes myself glancing at another couple hugging each other at the doorstep of the train. So what’s going on with me? I think I have a screw loose or something. And the guy…oh my, dunno look a bit like those butch kind…but I firmly believe is still a guy la.

Gonna sleep my notebook for a while I guess…cos reaching Raffles Place and need to change to North-South line. Ok BRB.

Now eating KFC and blogging, how power can I get? Haha BRB.

Back after eating KFC. Think I will be down MU for a while later, finish up the Chivas from last week. Yes, I know part of it belongs to Linda but I couldn’t care less at all. Bad of me? Maybe.

So what’s up for Valentine’s Day? Frankly speaking I’ve not felt so much of a loss since God knows when…for the past years I’ve not been really celebrating V-Day, so a lot of my ideas would’ve dried up. Sometimes I wonder what happened to me…I used to be so full of ideas, so anticipative of this special day of the year…but look what happened to me.

Somehow, I felt desensitised. I dunno why that’s the case, but certainly I can feel it.

Sunshine and I had a fair share of arguments, but it seems we’ve never quarrelled before. Is that a good thing? Nowadays I do not know what I want…or maybe I know what I want, only that……

What? I guess only I myself knows what I am about. A lot of times it’s not that I do not understand myself, but instead I do know a great deal about myself…perhaps a bit too much at times that I chose to avoid looking at myself with that kind of light. Currently living a life of contradiction, I really am finding a true self that I seek. Sometimes I really wish I can go back ten years in time when so much is still in true nature, when things are still slow and the mind is rather clear but unachieving.

A KFC crew caught a cold.

I’m digressing.

A babe with a cool-looking guy.

I’m so out of topic really.

Looking outside, just what’s on with me? People going up the escalator, moving towards their destination. Shouldn’t I just follow them and move out of my current status, leaving only a carcass of my life? Noise just left me, moving towards the direction which they so please.

I see my life go past me. I see life in the eyes of mine. If I can assume the very image which people thought of what I am, I think that will be brilliant. Wait, ain’t that part of my past – living for others, in the eyes of others? Perhaps…those times are so much more peaceful, thinking about others and not about myself.

Come to realise that I’ve grown so much more selfish. I care only for myself much more than what I am years ago. When have I learnt to be like this?

An average cute-looking girl walks along with her boyfriend, sitting down at a corner of the restaurant. Look blissful. She’s smiling, cos her guy cares so much about her.

I felt so tired all of a sudden. Physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally desensitised. Lustfully unmatched, unsatisfied.

Yes, you did not see that wrongly, that’s just a side of me that much people either do not know or not care about it at all.

Some time back, I wrote “Love’s not the game for me”, a song that I’ve not conjured the exact tune yet. Masterfully done, Love’s really not the game for me because Love played me out.

Another female reside the table next to mine. Let me anticipate that a guy will come along with food and perhaps a smile. She is SMSing right now.

As you see, I’m doing a lot of irritating things like getting out of topic and losing focus. Truth is, I chose to do so. I guess this will be a spacy and probably lengthy entry, but what do you expect of someone who have not blogged a week, or probably only do so once a week nowadays? I guess I’ll do complaining and ranting this much, so much. Hahaha.

I wanted to stretch my arms but now I can’t cos of the lady’s existence. Talk about restrictions. Speaking of that, my past has a lot of restrictions, I limit myself a lot so I won’t go out of hand…but it seems life has progressed so much that those restrictions gave way and my life went really out of hand compared to the old times.

I shall stop here. I shall write down the lyrics of Siria’s I Will Believe It.

I Will Believe It by Siria

(I will believe it)
(I will believe it)

It’s over boy
Everyone can tell
No need to hide it from your friends
It’s sad but it’s true
You got yourself to blame
And you will never understand

Don’t try to talk me into it again

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it when I receive the love
That makes me feel alive

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it but I can feel your love
So now I realise this is goodbye

This is goodbye

Let’s face it boy
It wasn’t meant to be
You and me, don’t you understand?

Don’t try to talk me into it again

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it when I receive the love
That makes me feel alive

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it but I can feel your love
So now I realise

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it when I receive the love
That makes me feel alive

I will believe it when I see it
With my own eyes, no more lies
I will believe it but I can feel your love
So now I realise this is goodbye

Last note: life really twists right in front of me, unlike my expectations. In the end, the gal went to buy KFC with the guy just joining the table as she was buying food. She came back the table with the food, and that’s it. I felt a wall between them – is it they ain’t a couple, or they were a couple? The girl sits in defensive, but could tell she is paying attention to the guy. The guy is in open position, so it seems he has confidence in the situation.

This girl just needs the love she wants. Lord, let her have it. :)

.LuKe.

Long time no update

[CuRRent MooD:] Average

[CuRRent Song:] Nothing

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] None

3rd Feb 2006

Oh well, here I am waiting for Linda. Sometimes this life of mine is too uncertain and bothersome to be called peaceful. Now, who even mention that it is peaceful? This world ain’t even peaceful right from the beginning.

Tomorrow I’m going out wif Sunshine to watch a movie, probably “Fun with Dick and Jane” by Jim Carrey. I’m sure it’s going to be a lame show but what gives anyway.

Just now “Half Pig” wanted me to support her at her workplace but I’m not really too much into it so I rejected her. Sometimes I think I’m being too realistic, and sometimes being not. I think I always do the wrong things at the right times, hahaha…that sounds real silly, isn’t it?

Now waiting outside MU, bumped onto a regular who I got to know from Serene (MU). Oh well I’m not going to stay in here for too long since I’m expecting people to be coming to my place tomorrow.

Actually I think I’m trying to write as much as I can, but I guess I’m trying too hard.

It’s Chinese New Year period, the air is average to say the least. Collection is average, but I guess some points to note maybe, is about how people have grown through the years. Looking at my cousins, to say the least, is something I enjoy doing in the recent years. Of course, that means making a personal statement or judgment whether they like it or not…not to degrade anyone, since I’m ain’t that good a person as well.

While I was on the way off work to Boon Lay, I was smsing Joanna, my paternal 3rd Aunt’s youngest daughter. Sorta glad she kinda wants to see me ard every CNY, I guess that’s kinda cool, don’t you think so?

Linda’s taking a bit long. DUH.

Looking at myself, I think I’m not worth so much luck or fortune that God bestowed unto me. Maybe the only reason why He decides to give so much to me is due to my parents – I’m supposed to take care of them till they are gone. Ehm…dai gai lai si, it’s too early to say such things and furthermore CNY, I tink I really looking for trouble leh…hahaha…

Just saw a mother and her daughter. Wow. The daughter really dressed up to look older, but anyone can tell she’s younger.

What do I want in life? I realised I got what I wanted simply because I did not pursue it too persistently. No way back though – there seems no way to recover that kind of feeling to not have what I want. Throughout these years I’ve became more selfish, or maybe my selfishness surfaced from my depths. I’m really drawing the thin line between selfishness and selflessness, but I think I’m at the former right now, and probably for a long time down the road of my life.

Ok Linda is here. Ja’ne.

4th Feb 2006

Ytd at MU saw someone who look so much like Jeannie (Chocobits). Her name is Ivy and she's Angeline's friend. Haha.

Now nothing much to update, only some pple came my place. Aiya, stomachache. See ya.

.LuKe.

Very tiring days

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired

[CuRRent Song:] DJ Rad - Come Home (Remix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Rice + Yong Tau Foo Soup

Well...I've been so tired I've really been hardly updating...

Anyway a treat for the people interested:

Top 100 FHM Ladies

LOL

That's just about it. Off to find stuff, eat dinner.

I'll try to update if anything interesting comes by.

.LuKe.

I gonna wake up in 6 hours' time

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine

[CuRRent Song:] Neo Cortex - Elements 2004 (Club Mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Hor Fun

I attended my cousin's wedding and this is a picture of my cousin and my cousin-in-law:



Ok that's about it.

LOL.

On Friday I went to MU, saturday I went out wif Sunshine and today I spent my day with Sunshine and home. Lol - I was doing some household chores and stuff. MU night was average, they played some old songs (techno and retro-80s alike), saw some friends and got to know new people as well. Oh well not really for me to be bothered though.

My life's not very eventful eh? Think my blog is getting too boring, unlike my friend Monk whose entries are rather interesting to say the least. Going to wake up in less than 6 hours' time...just what to do...that's just how I am now, working such hours and not knowing the pay. LOL I really hope my pay is good. Then again, I have not decided to work extra for more money.

I probably can't improve my life if I don't make a decision on that. Then again, I'll have less time for myself and others. What to do? Or am I lazy?

.LuKe.

Cousin's wedding coming soon

[CuRRent MooD:] Fine, not-so-well, pondering mood

[CuRRent Song:] Jet Set - The Colour of My Dreams

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Maggi Mee (Chicken)

Somehow it seems strange nowadays...

My mum just gave another shot against Christians...

Background: 3rd aunt's son getting married, today had some interesting issues. Then mum went to talk about him not respecting my aunt cos did not discuss wif her the dowry stuff...den my mum mentioned one thing that made me rethink about Christians nowadays.

"You know, last time he has a lot of things to talk about. Ever since he know this girl, ever since he become Christian, he become so quiet. At home only hi bye, reach home only say 'mum I'm back' and go do his things. Last time he has so much to talk about, even to me. Now..."

Sounds familiar? Yea. It happened to the sisters as well, though the talking part ain't so serious. Now, is it to do with Christianity on the whole, or the teaching, or the people?

DISCLAIMER: Personal comment, not targetting at religion in general. DO NOT FORCE ME TO CLOSE MY SMALL LITTLE PATHETIC BLOG~~~

(lol)

...or the church. Hmmm. What is happening?

Hmmm...

Working later. It's Friday! :)

Hmm..so? Wun be going anywhere much, should not be going chiong cos of my stupid head...

.LuKe.

A&E Scare

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired, sick, lil irritated but better

[CuRRent Song:] Kylie Minogue - Please Stay

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Sliced Fish Hor Fun & Sugar Cane Drink

I tio headache (not the normal kinds, it's strange one) since Friday and I went to see a GP after going to work in morning cos we had training on safety. After telling the GP what happened to me (and being tortured by an ice-cream stick that pushs my tongue down), he referred me to NUH A&E.

Suddenly I was O.O A&E??? Serious?

He told me according to symptoms he can't be too sure what is happening, but certainly it is of some worry. He said my head problem could be cumulating pressure on the right side of my head (which I dunno what that means), and my throat was terribly inflammed. And told me to go A&E immediately and not to wait.

Went back home, changed and took a cab down to A&E.

Waited for about 2 1/2 hours before a doctor got to see me. The end? Nothing much leh. Just do the same ice-cream stick trick, asked the nurse to jab me a painkiller, prescribe medicine to me. Any implications den say.

There goes my $100.

Haiz. But the GP's anxiety got me scared, I saw him writing with urgency. What a scare.

Actually I'm still keeping my fingers crossed, hoping not to have any implications. I'm feeling sleepy now but if I do turn in, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and my dad's gonna screw me up again.

The pain is still around though.

.LuKe.

I've noticed...

[CuRRent MooD:] Tired eyes. Oversensitive head. Irritated.

[CuRRent Song:] Stevens & Marcellus - Everything Counts (Extended Mix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Chicken Murtabak & Green Tea

...that I look for trouble in life.

Many times, Berlinda asked me, "Do you know you are living in luck without knowing it?"

Yes I know Berlinda. What makes you think I don't know?

Many times, mom asked me, "Do you know you are lucky? Living in luck without realising?"

I do know mom, and I know what you mean.

Thing is, I may be living in unknown bliss but always chose to look for trouble. Probably known as "looking for death" in mandarin, this is way too often. I took a closer look at my life cycle and patterns and found that out.

Last time I chose to give up Shan to understand more about "life". Now I know much more, and much more trouble got to me. I sorta regretted it, but who cares about that. I chose to give up Sunshine, and I wonder if that move was ever "right". Someone reminded me once more, "You are very lucky, you should keep things as it was and not took this route."

I know, but I still chose the tougher (aka stupid) routes. I guess I really like to have trouble around me. This is so stupid.

As for the past days, well I know I've not been blogging much about my everyday life proceedings, miss that? LOL...hahaha I've been reminded I'm a naggy person, and once again I agreed. Haha. Past days...nothing much, Christmas was nothing way too special, nothing too much. These days have been settling matters here and there, and I realised I'm inviting more trouble as I'm tackling current matters. Things will straighten out, I hope.

Gonna change my blog song now. Next time :)

.LuKe.

Weird Christmas

[CuRRent MooD:] Weird, tired, lil moody

[CuRRent Song:] DJ Tricky - The Riddle (Sven R-G vs Bass-T Remix)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] "Mei Cai" + Curry Chicken + Rice

Slept from 9am - 5pm, but still feeling lethagic. Oh well. Anyway pple, Merry Christmas...

To what I understand, a lot of people around me ain't getting what people namely speaks of a "Merry Christmas". How would you be merry when you have so much to think about, to worry of, to be of true concern? I wonder. Then again, this year's Christmas ain't anything too spectacular to be spoken about.

I now speak of my singlehood, but things have not been completely over. As I mentioned a new chapter speaks of itself, and I'm getting to it. Things have not been rosy or what I even think is proper or ok. There has been so much on my mind, nothing can really be written out.

Just read Sunshine's blog, and my mind is in a whirl. That sounds, seems, felt way too familiar. Sometimes I wonder about what I always say, "What goes round comes round". I know for the evil I did things will come to me one day, and I will have to settle it my good way. Anyway, why do people think I'm having fun when I'm out so late? Does staying out late = fun? Does it mean enjoying myself? No.

She thinks that me being out wif the "China Dolls" = fun. Truth is, I'm only out wif one of them yesterday, the others just disappeared at the last moments, and budget constraints made us unable to go anywhere apart from staying at the same place chatting. She thought that in my moments of "fun" I chose to ignore her msgs and not replied. Truth is, I'm listening to life story and I did not want interruptions. Certainly if you're the one talking about your story you wouldn't want much interruptions and that was what I wanted to achieve. What can I say? Haiz. The dolphin-throwing incident I have nothing to say, since that's just a small episode. Truth is, these group of people will be the simplest if you think of it, but they certainly can fit into the "complicated" category that I have to be careful of how I'm making every single move not to thread onto wrong territory and get killed in the process. Of cos, within normal means I will not get killed, but within rage you never know what happens...

I didn't want this entry to be sort of counter-reply her blog entry, but I know it's happening (lol). I'm trying to end an issue and there was a mention of dragging "the game". Wait, what "game" are we talking about? I know that I've been bad to pop by your place and probably made some feelings stir, and I'm wrong right from that point on. I'm not in a better state of mind myself, I don't even know what is precisely happening and here it is all such things happening.

Ok I have to stop this. LOL. Time for me to activate some long-time-no-used resolute to keep myself in check. If things have to suffer, I do not want anyone else to suffer longer than myself. I sound so selfless and noble, but no - just a piece of shit.

Good shit.

Bad angel.

Whatever.

End of entry for now.

.LuKe.

You think do this very enjoyable issit?

[CuRRent MooD:] A little pissed

[CuRRent Song:] Basic Element - This Must Be A Dream '2005 (Radio Edit)

[Last FooD/BeveRage:] Laksa & Green Tea

Actually by now I've cooled down and dun really wish to talk about it. After all I know what moves I should take on my list.

Sometimes people always think the negative side of everything. I agree this is normally the case but sometimes some things just have to be done in a way you really don't understand why. When you start to not know why, you start to do things to avoid casualties. This might be a short term way, but well...it's selfish. Oh yea I forgot, everyone is selfish.

I'm a selfish guy. Girls, if you are looking for goodie-two-shoes to be a bf, do not look for me. I ain't that good after all.

Damned, when did I ever say I am. Maybe I gave the impression I am...but I'm not. I'm just human, and a guy who has needs. Just about it.

Next time then.

To the unknown person: Did I ever say I'm nice-looking? I didn't even bother to claim I'm nice on the inside. What gives. Just tell me who you are -.-

[ Update - 2232 Hours ]

Feeling just better now. :)

.LuKe.